New Year, New Blog

The End

2009-03-02T11:19:00.002-07:00

This is my last post on this blog. I started a new one at www.coreyandcarrieoconnor.blogspot.com. It's what all the cool kids are doing these days. Anyway, if you want to continue wasting precious hours of your life following my mediocrawesome life then please, copy and paste this into your blog.

Litter Bugs

2009-02-20T13:00:00.003-07:00

I'm not sure why, but ever since 1st grade when my teacher taught us about 'litter bugs'I have had a deep hatred towards people who leisurely toss their unwanted trash on the ground. There must be something about the east coast and their lack of understanding the deep disgust of being a 'litter bug' because I constantly see people throwing trash out of their car windows. I'm not talking about a piece of lint from their car or a small piece of paper, I'm talking about Big Gulps and Super Sized bags of Burger King. I honked and flipped off one woman that I caught opening her door at a stop light to drop her McDonald's bag out and stared down another woman I passed as she tossed her drink out the window. I realize I should not do that anymore since I live in a more dangerous area but it's really hard not to. I'm not ultra green or anything like that, but it's straight rude to throw your trash out the window.

Deleted

2009-02-03T05:45:00.002-07:00

Last night I deleted my myspace and facebook profiles so I'm back to blogging! I got sick of people that I didn't really know wanting to be friends and the ease at which people could cyberstalk me. If someone really wants to cyberstalk me they're going to have to find my blog, search through years of posts and read hours upon hours of endless text. Hahahaha. Sucks to be you cyberstalker.
I had something really interesting I wanted to write about the other day but I've completely forgotten and have nothing at all to discuss so I'm going to put my newly found time (since I have no facebook or myspace) into creative blogging. I'll try to come up with something.

Unsatisfied Photo Enforcement Ticket

2009-01-16T16:08:00.004-07:00

Thanks to modern technology 'Big Brother' or 'The Man' is watching more than ever. They're watching and charging. Being new to DC I didn't realize that even the ghetto parts of town have amazing modern advances in the form of hi-tech cameras that research where you live and send you tickets! I thought I had been caught one day going 45 in a 30 'cause I saw a quick, bright flash of light at 6:30 am on my way to work and wondered if it was what I thought it was, or if it was the metro that just passed me on my left. I chose to think positive and imagine that the train had just passed and its headlight was the cause of the bright flash. It happened again 2 days later and I realized that it was no train, it was the DC photo cops!
Today I finally got both tickets and not only did I have the dissatisfaction of receiving 2 speeding tickets, but they took so long to find me at my new place that they both doubled and I now owe $200! I did just get hit by a drunk driver who took off after side swiping me in my not-so-nice part of town neighborhood so that was an unexpected $500 for my deductible. I guess what this story is all about is that it's expensive to live in DC and I could really use a chauffeur. I only have 1 more month on my lease and then I'm out of here. I don't hate it or anything, but city living definitely has its disadvantages. Like...well pretty much every inconvenience you can imagine. Getting to the store, unloading groceries from your car, parking on the street, street noise, speeding tickets when you didn't think anyone caught you, gangstas, the hood, the most annoying jaywalkers in the world, the buses hogging the construction laden lanes...just to name a few.
I'm moving to Frederick which is kind of far from work, but it's also kind of country and hopefully since I work so early I can avoid some of the nasty commuter traffic.
Here are some pictures from Mexico. Corey and I had so much fun and it was so relaxing! No hidden traffic cameras, drunk drivers or crazy bums.

Air Force 2

2008-12-12T14:43:00.004-07:00

Yesterday I toured Air Force 2 (the vice president's ride) and Heli 1 (not the president's either...the Marines fly him in their choppers). It was really cool and I kind of felt like Jackie O walking up the red carpeted steps, except not as hot or stylish. So really I just have a great imagination.

DC

2008-12-10T17:57:00.007-07:00

Since I'm a new airman to Andrews AFB we do a 2 week mandatory course that familiarizes us with the base, all of its available services and the surrounding area. Yesterday our class went downtown for a few hours to check it out so here are some pics I took. We rode the metro back and got to watch a lady get into a fight with a metro security guard. It was the highlight of my day. Ok, I guess I should try to be less tacky and say that the Monet exhibit was my highlight...

Graduation

2008-11-08T13:16:00.008-07:00

I finally graduated from BMET school! I'm so happy. I'm in Utah now after a quick stop in Colorado to see my sister and nephews. I somehow lost my keys in her house and had to have a $270 key made so I could get out here. I graduated on Halloween but had to stay the weekend so I could attend some lame outprocessing briefings on the 3rd. I drove to Amy's house, stayed a day and a half, drove through 2 hours of blizzards and 8 hours of worrying that it was going to snow again and finally got to Brooks' house. I am leaving for DC on Tuesday and am so not excited for the drive. I am excited for Cafe Rio though in about 15 min! I miss Utah.

Med Red

2008-10-30T11:34:00.008-06:00

Medical Readiness was a 2 day course that was required for us to graduate. It was out at a field site where we practiced litter carries and learned more about deployments and deployed situations. It was a lot of fun and I got all motivated. The Air Force loves to play Army. Haha. Let's be honest. We're the wussy branch of the military so whenever they let us play in the dirt we feel really, really tough. I felt especially tough 'cause I got kicked in the face by Marshall's size 12 boot and I didn't cry. Ok, my eyes watered but it was a natural reaction to getting hit in the nose! I'm freakin' tough! Look at these pictures!

The Lone Cowgirl

2008-10-27T16:29:00.005-06:00

On Saturday a bunch of us went to Austin to the Texas Longhorns vs. Oklahoma State Cowboys game. Corey bought the tickets and surprised me with a cute orange OSU shirt and face tattoos. I was so excited and all pumped to cheer for Oklahoma State until we got to the game and I realized that I was one of ten OSU fans in a record breaking crowd of 98,500. I guess it didn't occur to me that I was cheering for Oklahoma at a Texas game. I thought the crowd would be 50/50 or something. I really didn't think about it.
Luckily Corey was ready to protect me (even though he knowingly threw me to the wolves) and we didn't have any problems. Just a ton of comments from passersby.

It was pretty funny and it was a really good game. OSU almost won, but since they didn't I mooned the stadium with the extra 2 OSU face tattoos on my butt. I showed them!

Six Flags Over Texas

2008-09-07T15:06:00.004-06:00

I know I never post anymore but I do some fun things now and then. Last weekend, to celebrate Paula's second 50th birthday, me and some friends went to Six Flags in Arlington. It was a lot of fun but super hot. I got swoobs and swomach before we even got into the park so I headed straight for a water ride to cover up my over active sweat glands. It's kinda embarrassing.

Well I'm basically done with BMET school. The whole time I've been here I've heard about the toughest piece of equipment to troubleshoot and my whole experience here has led up to 'The Continental'. It's a huge X-Ray machine that you have to take 2 tests on and it was really intimidating. Let's just say that a little dirty talking and some gentle caressing go a long way. I totally aced both tests and now the rest of school is easy street. P.S. I really do talk dirty to the machines. I feel like it helps us connect.

My Grandma and Grandpa are coming out to visit me next weekend and the weekend after I'm going to Louisiana for my first time! I am really excited to take pictures by the state sign 'cause my sister has one and I want one too!
Not much else is new. I got on facebook finally and if anyone wants to add me, you know my name.

Block 8

2008-07-24T17:11:00.002-06:00

Eight is normally my favorite number. My birthday is 8/18/81 so naturally I chose that one being that there's really no good reason to have a favorite number but since it chose me, it's my preferred numerical value. I just passed Block 8 in the BMET school and it was NOT my favorite block. As a matter of fact, I hated it the most out of the others.
Mainly it was because of our instructor. I won't name names, but if she ever reads this she'll probably know I'm talking about her. I wonder if I can get in trouble for this? Oh well.
This sergeant was well below military standards for any kind of physical fitness test yet had the gall to ignore that obvious fact and act like some kind of bad @$$ chick. I hate it when people over compensate for their obvious short comings. Who cares if you're not tough? Don't act like you are when we all know you couldn't fight or catch anyone who could run faster than a 10 minute mile. I know I'm not tough so I didn't try to fight her on it. Mainly 'cause I thought she could whoop me, but at least I can accept that.
Well anyway...I made it out of block 8 and am on day 2 of block 9 and our main instructor is a hilarious, cranky old man who randomly yells words or sentences throughout the day. He keeps lecture interesting and hopefully I'll make it through this block with a little less stress. I lost 7 lbs. the last block because I was so nervous I was going to fail. I guess I hope block 9 isn't too easy 'cause I don't want those 7 lbs. back.

El Jefe

2008-06-15T11:19:00.002-06:00

Jeff Burt is definitely my dad. No paternity test was needed to confirm this since I look EXACTLY like him. Luckily he's pretty hot 'cause I could've ended up pretty ugly looking so much like a man.
Since today is Father's Day I'm going to brag about what a great dad I have. It's pretty unfair that I got so lucky to have the best mom and dad in the world, but I'm not going to complain about it. I really did have the best childhood and am grateful everyday for such loving, supportive, fun, helpful, motivating parents. I know not everyone had such luck so if anyone wants to rent Jeff & Paula I charge a small fee.
My dad is the best because:

He nicknamed me Rolly Polly. I used to find potatoe bugs in the dirt and would always run into the house show him. Even though he was a landscaper and probably hated the bugs, he'd pull me up on his lap and let me show him how they crawled on my hand but if I rubbed their legs, they'd roll up into a little ball. I must've done this hundreds of times but Jeff was always just as interested and excited for me like it were the first time I was showing him.

In 4th grade I started playing the flute and after a long day of landscaping in the hot sun, he'd always listen to my little concerts at night. I was a child prodigy and all but he was always telling me how good I was and never put me off.

He helped me study for weeks in 5th grade for the spelling bee and I got out in the third round on the word 'openness'. Who puts 2 'n's in that word? Who even uses that word?

Jeff taught me how to play softball and was my very first manager. What a great dad to tell his friends that he was the Raiderettes manager. You know he got crap for that.

My dad could always calm me down when I got hurt (which was a lot). He made me more butterfly bandaids, pulled out more teeth and even calmed me down when I was crying for my brothers or sisters injuries. I couldn't stop crying when Amy knocked her tooth out on Jeffrey's skateboard and Jeff had to leave Amy with a towel shoved in her mouth so he could pull me aside and remind me that I was not hurt and that Amy was not going to die.

When we lived in California my dad would take me to work with him and let me put glue on the PVC pipes for sprinkler systems and pay me 10 whole dollars a day. Conveniently he'd also "let" me pay for lunch at El Pollo Loco... I never saved up much money.

At Christmas my mom would buy all the presents but right around the week before Christams my dad would think of something he wanted to get us and he would get so excited about the one present he'd picked out. One year he talked his present to me up so much that I was so confused at what he could've gotten and when Christmas finally rolled around I was peeing my pants with excitement and he proudly walked over with his present. I tore it apart and underneath the wrapping was a shiny watering can... Haha. I love my dad's presents.

All I ever have to get my dad for birthdays, Father's Days, Christmas, anything is a foot rub.

When I started dating my dad was so protective and cute. He's about the nicest guy in the world, and even though he denies it to this day, his manly, fatherly instincts would kick in and Jeff became the most bad @$$ man alive when the poor teenage boy would arrive at the door to pick me up. I didn't get many second dates.

When I bought my motorcycle I was so afraid to tell my parents but my older brother spilled the beans and I thought my dad was going to call me and tell me why it was a bad idea but when we finally talked, he thought it was so cool and never doubted my riding skills. Well he never vocalized any doubt.

Okay, this is getting long but I have a thousand more stories so I'll suffice it to say that my dad is amazing and has always supported me and encouraged me to do what I wanted to do. He was always a great example to me and that's probably why I'm still not married. It's hard to find someone whose as talented, kind, respectful, fun, outgoing, smart and overall cool as my dad.
Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you!

Hey Mama

2008-05-24T22:57:00.005-06:00

I meant to do this the weekend of Mother's Day, but why not wait until Memorial Day weekend? Unfortunately I am somewhat of a procrastinator so my mom is probably not too surprised.
Anyway, this is blog is dedicated to Paula Ann Burt, the best mom in the world. Here are some reasons why Paula is the greatest:

First of all, she gave birth to me

Secondly, she managed to raise me and show unhumanly amounts of patience with me

She held the cup for me the first time I had to pee in a cup at the doctor's office and yes, it got all over her hand and arm

Once I threw up before making it to the toilet and managed to slip in it and smear it all over the floor and she lovingly gave me a bath and cleaned it up all while consoling me between my sobs and gasps for air

She always let me lick the cookie dough from the beaters

I used to trap her in my room at night when she'd come to tuck me in and I'd make her sing backup to California Dreamin'

I bit my own hand once and blamed it on my little brother and she spanked him and sent him to his room. I felt really bad and told her the truth (after making her promise not to spank me) and she let me off with a lesson on lying

She used to make me pancakes and cut them up in perfect squares and let me put as much syrup as I wanted on them

Paula seems like the sweetest, most innocent lady on earth but she's got a naughty wild side

In 7th grade (before I was allowed to go to school dances) she picked me up from my friends house and found out that we had gone to the dance the night before and she never told my dad. (I never told her that Robert Kent danced with his hands on my butt...sorry)

Everytime I call her she always answers all excited and says 'Hi sweetie!'

She's always honest...except for the time when I was 5 and asked her if daddy got on top of her like James Bond. She said 'no'

Paula can bake!

She would pretend to order my little brother a 'Double Double' at In 'N Out Burger but really just get him a single because he really liked to say 'Double Double'

Some people in my family liked to give me a hard time about being a little flighty and moving all the time but she always encouraged me to have as much fun and adventure as I could

When we went to Hawaii for Lindsay's wedding, we went parasailing together

Paula has done and would do ANYTHING for her family. She is the best mom in the world and one of the greatest people I've ever known. One of my favorite things to do is play little tricks on her because I love the reaction. Here are some of my most favorite exclamations that Paula says:
Ohh...you stinker!
Carrie Ann Burt!
Well, give me heart failure!
Oh poop!
I thought you were upside down in a ditch!

My latest trick was introducing my parents to my latest boyfriend, Charles. We've been dating for 2 months and I'd told them all about him so when they came to Texas to visit we all went to dinner and the one thing I didn't tell them about Charles is that he's black. I was kind of disappointed when they showed no reaction at all but it was only because I wanted a funny story to blog about. Jeff & Paula acted like they'd known him for years.
Anyway, I love my mom so much and couldn't ask for anyone better. If I'm ever a mom I hope I can be half as cool as Paula. Hopefully I'll just live close to her so she can pick up my slack. Happy Mother's Day, mom!

Q & A

2008-05-14T12:28:00.003-06:00

This one is from my sister...

A: Attached or Single- Attached!
B: Best Friend- Lindsay Lou
C: Cake or Pie- Pie...or peach cobbler
D: Day of Choice- Hello...Saturday. Is there even a question?
E: Essential Items- Body lotion...Curel. Chapstick...Burt's Bees. Q-tips.
F: Favorite Color- Blue
G: Gummy Bears or Worms- Gummy Worms...even though they were the cause of my first car accident.
H: Hometown- Roseburg, OR
I: Favorite Indulgence- Chocolate Molten Lava from Chili's. *It's really just called 'Chocalate Molten' but I add the lava for dramatic effect.
J: January or July- July
K: Kids- None
L: Life is not complete without...Family, friends, fun...and all the other 'F' words out there.
M: Marriage Date- Nope
N: Number of Brothers and Sisters- 2 Brothers and 1 Sister
O: Oranges or apples- Apples w/ peanut butter.
P: Phobia or Fears- Sharks
Q: Quote- History is a set of lies agreed upon.
R: Reasons to smile- We don't live in China
S: Superman or wonder woman- Wonder Woman. Amy remembers the Wonder Woman that fell down the heater vent and I remember wandering into the porn section at the video store, selecting a movie that had a girl with buttcheekless pants on and taking it to my dad asking him if it was Wonder Woman.
T: Tag 4 people- Anyone out there who still reads my lifeless blog.
U: Unknown Fact about me- I have anti-social tendencies so I put myself in situations where I'll be forced to get out and have fun. It takes a lot of effort for me to be social even though I can talk someone's ear off.
V: Vegetable- Corn
W: Worst Habit- Biting my nails
X: X-ray or ultrasound- Ultrasound, that's all I have ever had.
Y: Your favorite food- Breakfast foods. Pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage and hashbrowns.
Z: Zodiac Sign- LEO!

Recap

2008-04-20T14:43:00.004-06:00

To make a long story short, I've had a lot of fun in the past month and a half that I haven't posted so here are some pictures to prove it.

St. Pattie's Day

Graduated Block 2

Me and KP at sushi

Graduated Block 3

My pop fly that KP caught with her forehead

The BB King concert in Fort Worth

Me, Chris and Roland

So I'm almost half way through of school. Some days I love and others not so much. Every now and then all the military crap gets to me and I feel like I'm taking crazy pills but luckily the weekends keep me balanced otherwise I'd be the crazy lady who picks at her face all day and hums to herself.
I had a weird week when I had 3 allergic reactions to food at the dining facility and my arms, chest and neck started burning and swelling up and getting all red. I went to the ER and got some meds so the next time it happened I took the medication but it was right before a test and I got all loopy and stupid and failed but I got to retake it so I finally made it to block 5.
My nephew, Bradley, turned 2 on April 18th and I'm so sad I had to miss it but I'm not allowed to go anywhere so if anyone feels like visiting Wichita Falls, I'd appreciate it.
Also, last night I went to my first Step Show. Yeah, white people have no idea what that is but it's basically like Stomp the yard. I was 1 of 10 white people there and it was pretty awkward.
Sorry I've been lame and haven't been reading or writing blogs but life is ridiculously rushed around here and since it's warming up I have PT at 4 in the morning and pretty much go all day until 10 when we have to be back in our rooms. I'll make a more valiant effort from here on out.

Combatives

2008-03-01T10:27:00.002-07:00

I asked for adventure and I got... my @$$ whooped. I've been taking the combatives course with the Army and it was a lot of fun while we were just drilling. Learning how to 'pass the guard' or put someone in the 'rear naked choke' was all fun and games until I had to actually fight someone on Thursday. Make that, I had to fight 3 guys who all weighed over 190 lbs. K, I was excited to learn all this stuff but I'm not so excited about it anymore.
After about the first 30 seconds of the first fight I was completely exhausted and my face was being smashed into the mat but I was trying really hard not to tap out because that would be even more embarrassing than how ridiculous I was already looking. Luckily the fights only last 2 minutes and I hung on long enough not to get choked out or put in an arm bar.
I wish I could post a picture of how you can connect-the-bruises on my body but I'd feel too much like Courtney Love or something. I want to quit combatives so bad but everyone knows I want to so I have to stay! I feel more Army now than I do Air Force and that was the whole point of joining the Air Force... I am a wuss and the AF is the easiest branch in the military. On the bright side, I do get to roll around with some pretty hot Army guys guilt free.
I blocked up again at school so I'm in Block 3 of 12 and it is way better than the first 2 blocks. They're actually going to let me touch expensive medical equipment with probes and other highly conductive electrical things.

Tagged

2008-02-12T18:04:00.002-07:00

I feel so conceited always talking about myself on my blog, but this time I can't help it because Christie is making me do it. I know I've been tagged before, but I just wanted another reason to tell everyone how amazing I am. You can't help it if someone forces you to...

What I was doing 10 years ago?

I was a chubby, rosey cheeked 16 year old who liked to make and wear her own hemp jewelry. I got my drivers license on my Bday so I could cruise around Roseburg in my delux '79 BMW that never stopped burning oil or breaking down at inopportune times. My lips were virgin, my hair was virgin, I hadn't had anything pierced yet and I was pretty normal. Not much has changed. As you all saw, I got my first kiss on New Years and while I have messed with my hair a bit, all the piercing have been removed.

5 Things on my "To-Do" List Today

1. Lose 15 lbs.
2. After I eat my last dessert
3. Study for my test tomorrow on multi-vibrators (I'm laughing with you)
4. Workout
5. Get to bed early

3 Bad Habits I have

1. I pick my nails and the sound bugs the crap out of everyone
2. I procrastinate everything
3. When I don't like something I just ignore it, ie. when things are falling off my car or if I don't want to pay a bill. I pretend like it's not there.

Things most people don't know about me

1. My shoulders are double jointed and I can jumprope with my arms.
2. I had to wear shoes with corrective bars when I was a baby.
3. I had a lisp and couldn't pronounce my r's and went to speech therapy (Resource) until I was in 6th grade.
4. I saved a life once.
5. I've always wanted to get shot just for the story.
6. I've never seen Star Wars.
7. Or Lord of the Rings
8. I am a professional wood carver (only because technically I've been paid for my work).
9. I'm just as insecure as everyone else.
10. I can never have enough adventure in my life.

Because of my constant need for adventure, I signed up for the Army Combative Training. Since I'm on a DOD base we have Army, Navy and Marine barracks here and the Air Force doesn't provide any kind of combative (hand to hand combat) training but the Army requires it and a few weeks ago I heard another airman talking about signing up for the tournament. I asked around and found out that I could join but I had to get some high risk activity briefings on it and some signatures so it took me a little while to get it all done. Everyone seemed reluctant to let me do it but they had no choice because of equal opportunity crap so I start class on Tuesday! I'm totally scared and know I'm going to get my butt kicked, but I'd rather get it stomped in training than if I had to really defend myself and get seriously hurt instead. Hopefully nothing too bad will happen but I'd be lieing if I said I secretly didn't want to post a picture of me with a black eye.

Prairie Dog Whisperer

2008-02-04T18:17:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Prairie Dog Town, friends. It's a 10x10 plot of land (approximately 4 prairie dog holes in the ground) nestled in the northeast corner of Arrowhead State Park. There the prairie dogs roam, free from pollution and danger. Prairie dogs are on the verge of extinction but the great state of Texas has donated millions of tax dollars to save this indispensable species.
As you can see, I ventured into Arrowhead State Park this weekend to check out the "hiking" and just happened upon Prairie Dog Town. Coincidence? I think not. I soon discovered my remarkable talent of communicating with the Prairie Dogs. Prairie Dog Whispering. I made a connection with these little guys and found myself drawn to their ways.

After hours of observing, surveying and monitoring the prairie dogs, I decided that the next step was to imitate their methods. The most popular to humans would have to be straight up 'prairie doggin'. This technique has been around for centuries and has, in the last few decades, become more and more accepted by civilization.
I think we can all learn a great deal from prairie dogs and we should all be grateful for their special place in our lives. Please, keep our prairie dogs safe. If you don't, who will?

Turd Ferguson

2008-01-31T18:59:00.000-07:00

Or Burt Reynolds! This guy sits next to me in class and we are the Burt Reynolds team. Our uniform looks similar, but he's actually in the army.

This is my Biomedical Equipment Technician class and today we all just passed block 1. Some did better than others, ahem. I got a 95% overall. Not the top score, but at least it was in the top 6. Ok, I got 6th place. You can't really be proud of being in the top 10 when there are only 20 people in your class. K, block 1 down, just 11 more to go!

Vern and I decided to explore "downtown" Wichita Falls to try and discover the joy of Texas but still have not achieved our tech school dream. Here are some pictures to prove it. Just kidding. We did find this really cool building and we thought it was some kind of memorial building, but it turns out that it's the Memorial Auditorium. There was a cool auditorium and a not so hot welfare/food stamp office. Random.

Andrews AFB

2008-01-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

I got my permanent duty station assignment today! After I graduate on October 31st... I will be stationed at Andrews Air Force Base, home of Air Force One! It's in Maryland but for all you westerners who don't know the east coast states like myself, it's right by DC!!! I'm so excited that I don't even care it's not Germany. I really wanted to get stationed there, but DC is going to be so much fun. Europe Shmeurope.
I'm glad that they told me where I'm going really early into school because now I have some motivation to graduate. Sometimes (most of the time) I wonder what I've gotten myself into, but now I know that I got myself into living in DC!!! I was really scared for a while that I'd be living in Alabama or South Dakota or somewhere else unpleasant (don't be offended anonymous blogger who left the comment on my last post stating my personal feelings regarding the south...on my personal blog)so trying to imagine living somewhere I didn't want to be, doing a job that is not what I necessarily wanted, wasn't sounding too appealing.
Luckily God knows that I can't handle difficult situations so He hooks me up with pleasant circumstances and just hopes that one day I'll be a good, strong person. Even God has faith people.
Just for my mom's sake, here is Andrews Air Force Base's website. http://www.andrews.af.mil/ I've heard that it's one of the nicest because the President flies in and out of it often. Also it's a base that encompasses a lot of areas so they send their BMETS out to other bases to fix their equipment there which means I'll get to travel a little... maybe to Germany.

MLK Day

2008-01-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

If I were still working at XanGo I'd have to read another mass email from our CMO on how cool Martin Luther King was and how much he did for our nation. While I do appreciate the sacrifice of Dr. King, I don't appreciate reading the same email with a new spin that the same guy in the creative department has to write year after year.
This year being in the Air Force, I get the day off of school and the dining facility is baking up a southern fried chicken storm! Hallelujah Martin Luther! I can't wait for my plate of chicken, watermelon, biscuits with honey and macaroni and cheese!
The USAF loves MLK. TTYL.

The Ringer

2008-01-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

Today while I was enjoying lunch in the Sagebrush dining facility on base, a fellow airman decided to be a complete ignoramus (censored for public viewing) and ruin my 40 minutes away from class. There is a mentally handicap man who clears tables there and is a little clumsy and sometimes in the way, but a hard worker and very sweet guy. Today he was having a hard time with some trays and 2 times he dropped a glass and both times the glass broke. Well, both times Airman dumb@$$ said, "Good job, 'tard!"
Um, to say the least, I was pissed off. Nothing makes me angrier than a perfectly healthy person making fun of someone who was less fortunate and was born with some difficulties. I was about to turn around and politely tell him that my brother is mentally handicap and that I didn't appreciate his comment (which is a lie (the brother part)) but realized that it would do no good because this guy was just that stupid that it would have made no difference whatsoever.
Anyway, this is some of the crap I have to put up with in the military and wanted to publicly vent.

Vernon; A city and a state of mind

2008-01-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

Not very many people know that Wichita Falls is close to a small city named Vernon. Also, not very many people know the mysterious make out guy in my last blog. His name is also Vernon. Although his name would have you believe otherwise, he's only 24. Don't worry. I still laugh when I hear his name too. So do the Starbucks employees every time they ask for a name to write on the cup. I try to make him feel better by telling them that my last name is Burt and they play along by asking where Ernie is and that's usually the end of it.
School started for me on Monday and I am really surprised at the material I'm going to be learning. It's all freakin' electronics. I guess I knew that I'd be fixing medical equipment and all, but I never really thought about the fact that I was going to have to learn how to read schematics or know Ohm's law like my own child or figure out how to test circuits and resistors for current flow or breaks or opens or whatever else can go wrong with electronics. It's all very interesting, but I'm kind of scared. AC stands for Alternating Current but I was under the impression it was the acronym for Air Conditioning. Supposedly this job in the civilian world makes around 80k but the Air Force is going to pay me around $30k. Hmmm...
I do have a mild case of tendonitis in my achilles thanks to the quality combat boots they make us wear. Fortunately my health care is free and I can go to the doctor and get hooked up with free meds as much as I want so the moral of the story, I guess, is that life is about checks and balances. You win some, you lose some.
Now that you've all been uplifted and your minds opened by my deep wisdom and metaphorical thinking, have a great day.

*Disclaimer: I'm not really sure how to use colons or semicolons so for those of you who do know how to properly execute these punctuations, I apologize if I've misused them. For the rest of you normal people out there, who cares what those nerds think!

Welcome to '08

2008-01-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

Happy New Years...'nuff said.

Natal

2007-12-31T13:48:00.000-07:00

I just tricked all non portuguese speaking people into reading my Christmas blog! Haha. How foolish do you feel right now? Natal means Christmas in portuguese! I know you're all sick of reading Christmas blogs but I promise not to bore you with the present opening details. Instead I'll gross you out with too much information on the nasty effects of the stomach flu my 2 year old nephew gave me. Basically I was wishing that 'Oops I Crapped My Pants' was a real product instead of just an SNL skit. I felt pretty "crappy" (I'm laughing at my own joke) for about 3 days and didn't do much besides sleep and terrorize my poor family but I'm doing much better and am just gassy now.

My trip to Utah was way too short but so much fun. The annual Ho Ho Ho party was a hit like always and I had fun hanging out with my Struhsters, my boys and even though I didn't have time to see everyone I wanted...well, actually I'm pissed about that so I won't even try to cover it up with an optimistic, holiday outlook. My trip was not as good without seeing them.

As my EXODUS comes to an end I am really not looking forward to going back to school. I have been having so much fun pretending to be a civilian and I think it's going to be hard to jump back into the military way of life.
Hopefully these pictures make up for the lack of photos on my blog recently. I apologize and thank you for still reading the boring text. I know that pictures make it a lot easier to look at. I hope everyone had a great Natal and that you have a Happy Ano Novo!

EXODUS

2007-12-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

One thing about the military that I like is their choice of wording. We're not taking your typical Christmas break or holiday vacation. We are going on EXODUS! Of course every time I hear this, Bob Marley starts playing in my brain and I inevitably sing "...Movement of ja people."
Our EXODUS begins on the 21st so I booked the first shuttle bus out of here at 0001 and will be en route to Salt Lake by 0500. I get 3 days in Utah then drive my car to Colorado Springs for some Burt family fun. The whole family will be at my sister's new house and I get to meet my new nephew, Jackson.
I have to report back from EXODUS on January 2nd so I'll be making the 10 hour drive sometime that day but luckily I found 2-3 other people to caravan with. Hopefully Santa remembers my request for walkie talkies, Red Bull and Monster Ballads. No road trip is complete without 'em.
When I get back I'll finally start school, have my car and will be in the highest phase (which means I have as much liberty as I'm going to get here)and I'll be able to explore a little and try to find some adventure. Hopefully in the form of drunken cowboy brawls at country western bars.
The last few weeks have been pretty standard. Three chow hall meals a day. Group physical fitness 3 times a week. Unnecessary meetings, marching around and room inspections. I did get to go to the Dallas temple on Saturday with a group from the branch here on base and we had a good time. It was freezing in Dallas and it's always cold here, which is something I did not know about Texas and was not prepared for.
I did get into 2 fights this week with the girl who made me hate Texas. I feel pretty confident that I won both though. Just in case you were wondering. I'm going to miss her a lot over EXODUS.

The West is the Best

2007-11-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

I try to be a positive person and use my blog to uplift and maybe inspire the occasional reader, but tonight I will do neither. I am only going to talk about why the south sucks and how much I miss Utah or other western states I've previously lived in.
To start off I would just like to complain about southern accents. I hate them. I really hate the deep southern ones like back country Alabama or Mississippi. It literally took me 2 weeks to understand what half of the people in my group were saying to me. I felt like they were speaking a different language.
I'm also tired of being made fun of for being white. Not that it hurts my feelings in any way, it's really just getting old. I'm tired of hearing the same thing over and over. Yes, I sound proper to you because your version of the English language was made up by 5 year olds with lisps. Sorry but I sound proper to you because you are dumb.
Ya'll. Ya'll? Ya'll. I hate it more and more each day.
One thing everyone here seems to be really into are rims. I had to listen to a girl talk about her $5,000 Cobra rims for about 20 minutes today. No, I'm neither impressed nor do I care at all. What I really wish you'd have done with your $5,000 is fixed up your trailer or bought your illegitamate child some speech lessons.
When people here ask me what I do for fun in Utah (I'm usually the first Utahn they've ever met) and I tell them mountain biking, hiking, snowboarding, etc. they all start shaking their heads, then their finger at me and mumble, "Mmmm girl, no way. No way. That is crazy. You are so crazy white!" I guess Texans have a hard time imagining doing anything physically strenuous for fun.
I miss Utah and Utahns...well my Utah friends anyway. I miss my weekly bike rides and being in the mountains and talking to people who don't use double negatives and there are too many more to list but I needed to address at least a few of them.

Jackson

2007-11-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot to tell everyone that my second nephew was born! Jackson David Binns was born November 26th at 6 or so in the morning. He weighed 8 lbs. 2 oz. Unfortunately he's a little sick today with pneumonia and can't be with his mom but he's doing well and will be all better soon. Amy is doing great and my parents are there to help with Bradley (he's still a 3-4 person job) and I'll be there to hang out with all of them at Christmas!
Jackson was almost born on two of my very best friends in the world birthday, Lindsay and Marleah. They both had Bday's on the 25th and this has always been very convenient for me because there aren't a lot of birthday's I remember each year but thanks to their mom's for having them both on the 25th I manage to remember year after year. So Happy Birthday girls. I wish I could be in Vegas and Salt Lake to personally spank you but I should probably leave that up to your husbands anyway. I love you both!

Quarters

2007-11-27T10:00:00.002-07:00

Today I am 'stuck' in my room and can only leave for chow. Dang. The internet is half working and is pretty temporamental so I hope this blog posts along with the pictures I finally had a chance to upload.
My classes don't start until January 8th so for the last few days I've been doing details which means I sweep, mop, vacuum, pick up trash, or do anything that makes me look busy. It's probably the worst lot anyone could have in life. I decided that I couldn't handle it anymore so I told them I needed to see the doctor since this cold I have just would not go away. That has proven to be my smartest military move yet. The doctor was so nice and he gave me all kinds of free meds that I love. I was pleasantly surprised to learn about Robitussin with codeine. Apparently Canada has had it all along and I'm just discovering this wonder of modern medicine. My friend Sarah has been enjoying Canadian drugs her entire life and keeping it from all her dumb American friends. I guess we're closer now that we can talk Canadian drug talk.
The doctor not only gave me these drugs to help my symptoms, but he put me on a waiver that says I can't do physical fitness and that I need to stay in bed all day today. I love that man. I was extremely pleased with the military yesterday and even more so when I found out that my class will probably start before Jan 8th and in the meantime I get to work at the front desk of my dorm instead of being the dorm janitor. Hopefully things stay this way but I'm sure my next blog will say differently.

Cellular Service

2007-11-21T15:30:00.001-07:00

Wichita Falls is one of the world's largest cities and Sheppard Air Force Base its greatest asset...However, there is no Sprint store on base therefore I am forced to live with my half working cell phone until I get into Phase 2. I love all the new lingo I'm learning and spouting off even though I know no one will understand it.
Basically since I'm brand new on base I can't leave for about 2 weeks. That's exactly when I'll be purchasing a fully functional cell phone and that's when I'll starting calling and texting you all.
Confession: I accidentally said 'ya'll' the other day. Yes, it was embarrassing. No, I'll never do it again.
Confession: I peed my pants during Basic Training. Yes, more than once. No, it wasn't that bad. I didn't have to tell my drill sergeant.
Confession: I didn't shower for 4 days. Yes, I smelled like @$$. No, it wasn't because I didn't want to. There are certain things you have to sacrifice in Basic Training and showers happened to be the one that week.
I don't know where the confessions came from but I feel better getting them off my chest.
Confession: My boobs are smaller. Yes, it's because I lost weight. No, not much came off my thighs. Just the boobs.
Wow, I'd better stop now. Nothing else happened in Basic.

Back from the grave

2007-11-16T10:35:00.001-07:00

I graduated today! I'm officially an Airman in the Air Force and am finally done with Basic Training. Words cannot express how happy I am right now to get out of here but I'm pretty sure you can all imagine. If you've ever seen a movie that portrays life in boot camp or anything like that, it's pretty accurate. It sucks, but it's over and I did well and I can do like a million pushups or something like that now.
My parents and grandparents came all the way out to San Antonio to cheer me on and we are having so much fun. Really at this point washing a car would be fun to me. As long as it's not marching, doing pushups or scrubbing pots and pans in the chow hall, I'm having a blast.
I leave for tech school on Sunday and hopefully sometime next week I can post some pictures from graduation and you can all see how awesomely high my pants go up and go ridiculously tapered they are. You can also make fun of my flight attendant cap that some people think resembles a certain body part we don't speak much of and you can all adore my radiant glow from knowing that I'm getting the hell out of here soon.
I miss everyone and pretty much everything and I can't wait to catch up with all of you soon. Sorry if it takes me a while but I'm still not totally free yet. I promise I'll get to all of your blogs soon.

6 1/2 weeks sans post

2007-10-01T11:12:00.000-06:00

For those of you who don't habla espanol, this means I'll be absent from my blog world until mid November. It's going to take me a long time to catch up on all your posts so do me a favor and just blog like once a week until then. Thanks guys.
Tonight I have to sleep at the MEPS...It's really one of the weirdest parts of going into the military. I don't actually leave until tomorrow but they make me sleep at the downtown Radisson and I have to hang out with a bunch of other kids going into the military. The whole 3rd floor of the Rad is military and you can't get a room on it. It's called MEPS and I still am not sure what it stands for but it's military lingo.
Tomorrow morning they're going to make me get up early for no reason, go back to the processing center, do another physical (not as in depth as the last one), swear in, wait around for a while longer then board a plane to San Antonio. That's where the yelling begins.
I feel weird right now but it's mainly a caffeine overdose I'm on right now. I have a crap load of stuff to do but don't really know where to start so I thought a lot of caffeine might help? It's making me type really fast! And making my armpits sweat. I hate that.
I had some sweet pictures to post from the weekend but left my camera at Ali's house. My friend Scott and I went on one last motorcycle ride up Big Cottonwood Canyon and it was so beautiful! I miss the mountains already just thinking about Texas.
Friday night some of us 'camped' at Ali's cabin up by Park City. It was so fun but we had to take off due to snow. WTF? Snow? Really? I'm freaking stoked that I'm not going to be here for the winter. I feel another weather related accident coming on. I can't afford an another insurance increase!
Thanks to Dallin we got VIP passes to Club Bliss Saturday night but they still kicked us out of the VIP seats that were so elite. I guess I was so excited to get my groove on that I forgot to get my wrist band. Like I want to dance on a stage and sit on your white leather couches Bliss. I still had so much fun and freaked the bouncer behind his back for his mistake. Me and my friends are OBVIOUSLY VIP. Don't act like you didn't know, bouncer. I'm so good at paybacks.
Well I really need to get off the computer and move around before my heart stops beating from the stimulants. I'll miss you all and will probably hate the next month and a half but supposedly I'll be so mature, proud and accomplished when I get done... If any of you know me I know you're laughing to yourselves right now. Chuckling, perhaps. This will not happen but I bet I'll lose like 20 lbs. Yay! K, see you guys at Christmas. Love ya!

The basement remodel

2007-09-24T17:24:00.000-06:00

I stole these pictures from Lindsay's blog and am posting them on mine because I really have nothing else to post. I've basically been hanging out with friends and doing whatever I feel like before I leave.
A few weeks ago Lindsay and I decided to update her circa 1984 basement and we went for it. Repaint, retile, re-everything. It was A LOT of work but so much fun and definitely worth it in the end. There were a couple of moments when I was worried I'd gotten us in over our heads but in the end it all worked out. Like the moment we tearing tile off the wall and I tore a large piece of drywall off too... I kind of tried to hide it for a second but then remembered that I'm 26 and shouldn't be lying about that kind of stuff. Plus it was 100% obvious that I did it since there was drywall dust all over my face.
Here is the before picture:

This is me working hard, as usual:

And this is the final masterpiece:

It looks simple but trust me, it was a beast and took forever. As payment I made Lindsay promise to hang a framed picture of me in my Air Force uniform with the ugly hat they make you wear. She's going to have to look at that everyday. Haha. We are obviously best friends. No one else would agree to that. And I asked around.
Phone update: Oh, there is none. My phone still only receives phone calls. No texts. I've now shouted at 3 different Sprint employees at 3 different Sprint locations, including the kiosk in the mall. No one wants to give me a deal! I'll show them. I'll just live with my piece of crap phone and never make another call again until my contract is over and then I'm taking my business to T Mobile or something. Eat that Sprint!

He's 30!

2007-09-20T17:19:00.000-06:00

September 19, 30 years ago, Brooks J. Gordon entered this world and last night we celebrated. I think I can prove that his birthday party was the best party that went on anywhere in the world last night.
a. We had fire blowers
b. The cops came
c. A fire truck came
d. My cell phone no longer works because it was in my pocket while the greatest water fight esued
e. Waking up to 20 bodies sprawled out on Ali's living room floor
I think I made my point. Since Brooks is the coolest person on earth. He deserved the coolest Bday on earth. The fire blowing was all thanks to our friend Derek who just decided about 3 days ago that he wanted to pick it up and he did.
Andrea is for sure going to get kicked out of her condo by the HOA. Last weeks condo pizza party proved that when the association brought 'Jessica' up again. They have new pool rules so that whoever is in the pool will have a special key so they know who's apartment they're visiting. Well, guess what HOA? We didn't need a key last time. We broke in to your pool. Maybe you should worry about better locks on your gates. So, anyway, with the Jessica incident still being talked about, I'm sure they were none too pleased with the fire breathing in the parking lot. The cops were pretty rude about it, but the firemen LOVED it! They thought it was pretty funny.
I'm a little bummed about my cell phone, but I'm hoping it will dry out soon and start working again. In the meantime, if I don't answer your calls or texts, please just email me.
After the cops left we thought we should get out of there too since a group of 20 can never be quiet enough for condo living so we went dancing at our favorite dive, Habits. I think there were 5 people when we got there, but that's how we like it. I really hate dancing with strangers. Even if they're hot. I always feel so awkward. Should I look at their face? Should I try and talk to them with the music so loud? K, I'm tired of this guy, how do I leave? It's just not fun for me but I do love to dance so I always like sticking to just my group. Never a problem at Habits 'cause odds are that your group makes up 95% of the 'crowd'.
I'm not sure what time we got to bed, but I got up at 1:30 so I just really hope I got my 8 hours of sleep. I really don't want to leave for basic anymore. I really just like not working and playing all day. If you'd like to support my new found passion, please donate your hard earned dollars to my paypal account. Thanks.

CB in DC

2007-09-18T14:22:00.001-06:00

I just got home from our nation's capitol and now know where all of our tax dollars go. If you've never been to DC, I suggest going so you too can enjoy all of your hard earned dollars. The city or district is BEAUTIFUL. Clean streets, well manicured lawns, parks and gardens, amazing statues and art all over, memorials, phenomenal architecture. The list goes on. I had so much fun visiting and although I truly love God's country, I was kind of sad to come back to hazy skies and desert.
Several things happened while I was 'back east'. I was able to meet up with J.Core and Iggy, friends from past adventures. I was also able to meet my cyber friend Nomadic Gnome (Iggy's rommate) and step it up a level to 'real life friend'. Then I even got to hang out with Neil (Jamal) and complete the 'it's a small world when you're Mormon' circle.

Things I did in DC:
Hot dog BBQ at Jenny's
White House tour (East Wing)(but I did get to see the president's helicopter take off and supposedly he was in it)
Tour a bunch of buildings with yet another blast from the past, Amy and her husband, Jimmy

Mountain biking at Fountain Head State Park and swimming in the unusually warm Potomac River

Crashed more birthday parties in one weekend than I have in my entire life
3 hours of why I should get married church
Rode bikes into Jenny's work
Toured the Capitol
The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History

Museum of African Art
1/2 price burgers at a top US Sports Bar
I really did try to split this blog up and post some pictures while I was out there but it was nearly impossible because Jenny had my schedule packed tight. I saw so much while I was there and it was all thanks to her. In case some of you don't know, Jenny was my MTC companion in Brazil and was a lifesaver then and still is.

Favorite Memorial: The Lincoln Memorial
Reason: I felt like God was staring down at me

Favorite Meal: The street burrito stand
Reason: Rice 'n beans and good company

Favorite piece at the museums: The Hope Diamond
Reason: I'm a chick

Favorite Day: Monday
Reason: We packed so much in and I got to ride the metro alone!

Favorite Picture:

Reason:I've always wanted to have a full body grope...I guess I didn't like it as much as I thought.

This trip was perfectly timed and executed. 2 weeks before I leave for the military I took the most patriotic vacation of my life. It was kind of motivating seeing so many military personnel around. I kind of felt like we were all secret friends. I'm sure they felt the same way towards me.
To see all 80 of the pictures that made it to my Picasa Web album, click here.

An undeniable truth

2007-09-10T09:23:00.000-06:00

It's official. I am not a beautiful person. As a child I was obviously gorgeous, but as I've grown it appears that I have taken on many attributes of a man. A black man at that. I think it was nice that they put Valeria Mazza up there as one of my celebrity look-alikes, but I'm no fool. I know what they were getting at. I'm an attractive asian man. Thanks for the confidence boost though.
In my 3rd grade picture you can see the inner self worth and unrelenting faith I have in myself 'cause all along I knew I was as hot as Jodie Sweetin and as cool as Fred Savage. I also knew I was a material girl. Somewhere in my adolescent years, however, I decided that I didn't want a life of fame and popularity and wanted to look more like a B celebrity than no one actually recognizes. There you have it. It was a conscious decision I made so I could stay 'real'.

Stewart Falls

2007-09-07T16:46:00.000-06:00

I finally got my booty up to Stewart Falls this year and brought my mom along with me. I forgot to give Paula a shout out on August 31st for her 50th birthday so it's included in this post. Along with a shout out to Jeffrey Burt, my big brother, on his 29th birthday on September 5th. Heeeeyyyy!
Stewart Falls is a fun little hike up past Sundance in Provo Canyon and is great for a day hike. I'm guessing it's about 2-3 miles each way and provides the perfect amount of exercise. I typically do this hike a few times during the summer but I've been more into mountain biking this summer. Not anymore though. I guess you're not allowed to have any cuts or abrasions when you go into basic training or they make you wait until you're all healed and then you lose the job you were promised. Not cool. So in order to avoid anymore wounds I'm taking it easy and just walking.
Today was gorgeous and here are some pics to prove it.
You see where I got my bootyliciousness now. It's all from Paula!

Snoopy Doggizzle?

2007-09-07T12:03:00.000-06:00

I'm not really sure how to say that in gangsta, but last night I left reality as I've always known it and entered a 'gangsta's paradise'. I know Snoop doesn't sing that song, but I bet all gangsters like it. My dad even likes it.
Doors opened at 8 and like idiots we got there at 8. We waited for 2 1/2 hours until the opening band/white chick rapper came on and began spitting out her terrible childhood stories of her mom's boyfriend who liked to touch her. We all just kind of stopped swaying to the beat and looked at each other uncomfortably until it stopped. This picture of her was posted all over the pillars and everytime we'd see it the lyrics would come screaming back. Make it stop!

After Lanz was done we still waited another hour for the Doggfather! We were getting pretty pissed and about to leave when Snoop finally got there. This was how excited we were at that point.

Lucky for us they had a pretty good playlist which included P.I.M.P.,Nuthin but a G Thing, Ladi Dadi and Gin and Juice. I really don't know very many Snoop songs so I can't tell you what else he sang, but it was awesome. It was also awesome 'cause we were the hottest people there. It's true about black guys loving big girls because there were some BIG girls there and they were feeling the love.
I just want to say 'thanks' to Snoop and his entourage for getting down in the SLC and for the souvenir contact high I left with. Peace.

And the rockets red glare

2007-09-02T18:51:00.000-06:00

Let me just tell you about the amazing fireworks show I saw last night at the end of the Bees game. It was HUGE! Bigger than the 4th of July show I saw this year. I heard that since last weekends game was rained out they had 2 weeks worth of fireworks so they set 'em all off last night and it was spectacular.
What have I been doing all week? Well I do have a first to tell you about. Yesterday I quit a job without giving any notice for the first time. This doesn't sound like much, but I've had more jobs than your average 26 year old. I've always had such a sense of responsibility when it came to jobs, until I decided to get a retail job. I'm not talking bad of REI because I still totally love it. When I'm the one buying stuff.
I went to work on Friday and got called into the office to talk to one of the managers. This was also a first because I have NEVER had any problems at any of my jobs because I'm so paranoid about messing up I usually end up being an over achiever. Things were mighty different at this job. So I'm sitting in the managers office and he starts talking to me about my one sick day and my one no show day since I started, oh, 3 weeks ago. I guess this wasn't impressing him so he wanted to just let me know that if I have one more no show, they would have no choice but to let me go. The whole time this guy is talking to me I'm like, 'Dude, I hate you. I hate this store and I hate everything about retail. I could care less about my attitude, my attendance or my flare. I really just want to set your chair on fire and run out of here screaming and never come back.' So I should have just told him right then and there that I couldn't deal with this any longer, but I chickened out and ended up calling him the next day 1 hour before my shift to tell him I just couldn't go back in there. It's hard to describe in words how much I hated that job. I felt like Jennifer Anniston in Office Space when her boss was talking to her about her flare.
So now that I'm gainfully unemployed I'm taking time to smell the roses and stuff. I've been consumed in a basement remodel project with my best friend, Lindsay. She just moved into a new house and her office is the basement which was a lovely 2 tone green with pastel green border paper and forest green tile around her fireplace. So I saw that it was completely distgusting and was like, 'Lindsay, we could totally paint this and retile and make this room cool.' And she believed me. I speak with a lot of conviction some times. We thought this project would take a few days but seeing as how we don't really know how to tile, it's taking a bit longer. We've been taking pictures of the progress so hopefully the room will be done tomorrow and I can show off my handy work. I hate to brag, but I'm kinda good at that stuff. People know me.
Please feel free to post comments about how terrible the retail industry is and how your retail experiences have changed your life for the better or worse. I want some detailed feelings here.

Rock the Bells

2007-08-27T17:09:00.001-06:00

I guess the last 3 weeks can be summed up with this statement:
I rocked the bells with Zac De La Rocha. 'Nuff said. For my sweet 26th me, Ali, Dre and Brooks went to San Francisco. The original plan was to all go to the Rock the Bells music festival and see Rage Against the Machine (among other bands) play. Well, tickets sold out before we got around to buying them so Ali and I decided we'd just buy them from scalpers. Dre and Brooks weren't down with the Zac movement so they decided that since Ali and I hadn't already trapped them into buying tickets, they'd just do something else.
We got to San Fran and the free place we were staying at had a massive attack of fleas a few days earlier from some bum chick who was crashing at Ali's sister's pad. This girl begs to stay for a week 'cause she has nowhere else to go. A week turns into a month of her and her big @$$ dog lounging around the apartment spreading fleas and heaven knows what else all around... Anyway, Brooks was pretty scared of the fleas and left early.
Nothing was getting between me and Rage so I braved the fleas and made it out with only 6 or 7 bites on my legs.
While in San Francisco we also went to Napa Valley, a Japanese bath house, China Town, Little Italy, shopping and the rental car place. I mention the rental car place because we were there for half a freaking day! We only had 4 days so 1/2 a day was a big part of the vacation so I felt obligated to mention it.

I've been 26 for 2 weeks now. Some of you may have noticed the significant change in my demeanor, some may have not. It's okay. Mainly that change is based on the fact that I am basically unemployed which gives me A LOT of pool time so I no longer look caucasian. Really that's the only change that has occured.
A quick note from my last ride... We rode up at Solitude and it was a really fun trail! I didn't eat enough before hand so I got a little light headed from a lot of climbing, but I made it and got a lot of pictures in the process. I mainly take the pictures so it doesn't look like I'm stopping because my lungs are about to explode, but because I'm a dedicated photographer who is committed to posting quality pics of our rides.

REI

2007-08-26T14:22:00.000-06:00

I have been forced to blog during my 30 minute lunch break at my part-time REI job. Why I even got this part-time job is beyond me. I've never worked retail and knew it was a bad idea. I hate putting up with rich beotches who want their $5 back from the $80 cycling skirt they bought 2 months ago. I have no patience for these people.
I have much more to blog about but it's going to have to wait until I can borrow someone's computer and upload my pics from the last 3 glorious weeks I've had. For now, just imagine how fun working as a cashier at the ultimate outdoor store is. I did get a sweet camelback way cheap the other day. Can't complain about that!

Public Bridal Showers

2007-08-09T14:18:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is mine and Allexis' last day at XanGo. I had my going away lunches already but Allexis is leaving for a very different reason than I am. While I'm doing pushups and calisthenics, Allexis will be doing...well, calisthenics too I guess. She is getting married. Today at lunch the marketing girls threw her a bridal shower but we let her pick her location of choice. I'm not sure if she knew what she was doing or not when she chose Iggy's Sports Bar, but I applaud and commend her.

Lingerie+Sports Bar=

An audience.

I'm pretty sure we threw a little spice into their boring Thursday lunch. Men have never been and never will be good at using their peripheral vision to observe things. For some reason they lack the ability to control their eyes. I can't tell you how many times I've approached a male (ages 9 and up)and they will first look at your face, then a little further down, then right back up. Question. Do they know that we can actually see their eyes moving and in which direction their eye balls are rolling? I'm guessing they don't know that we can see this happening or that since they have no control over this action that they assume we can not control it either so our eyes must be simultaneously looking down, therefore neither of us notice the sneak peak we've stolen.
Well either way, these 3 men were in no way trying to hide their excitement about a lingerie party happening a few feet from them, but I don't blame them. It was pretty exciting and we were in public so everyone had the right to steal a glance. As we were leaving they confirmed that all 3 liked the white one the best. Hands down. Allexis can now have a successful honeymoon. Good luck!

Carrie Oakey

2007-08-08T08:44:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was Ali's last day at work. She had the opportunity to take a new job where she would be in charge of the PR department for a young company which will allow her to shake her thang and show the PR world what is really up. So to celebrate her new beginnings, we did what any kids-playing-grown-up in the corporate world would do to properly celebrate taking one step closer to being a real adult... karaoke! Oh we love karaoke.
I like Tuesday night karaoke at The Tavernacle because no one is there! The few that are there... well, they're pretty effing weird anyway so it gives me the false courage I need to get up on stage and belt it out.
Dainon and I performed a duet (I really only sing if someone will go up with me) that is quite simply the greatest composition in human history. You guessed right. Afternoon Delight. We got the house rockin' with some harmonizing and long, deep gazing into each others eyes. Yes, I think people were moved. Sky rockets were in flight, sticks and stones were being rubbed together making sparks ignite and everyone was getting so excited.
After the baby making music was over, Ali and I tore it up with an emotional performance of Total Eclipse of the Heart. We've done this song before so needless to say it was a crowd pleaser.
We didn't take pictures last night, but here are a few from past karaoke nights so you can see how good I look on stage. I've always thought red was a good look on me.

Some people can manage to look good when they cry, sing, laugh or yell... I can not. I may very well be the ugliest crier, singer, laugher and yeller you've ever seen. The transformation that occurs to my face is comparable to a puppy or kitten exploding from the inside out. It's just not pretty. I think this visual presentation proves my point.

Dre and I are looking pretty normal here. Just having a good time.

Someone put a mic in my hand and BLAM! Kitty guts everywhere. Sick.

The 5 of us were having a great time on our Caribbean cruise looking cute and having fun.

What? Karaoke? Sweet! Look closely at my face. Dead puppies.

Okay, after all of that nonsene talk about me being so unfortunate looking, Dainon sent me this pic from last night and I don't mind saying that I look good. Really good.

How to cure a case of 'The Mondays'

2007-08-06T13:12:00.000-06:00

Basically one sure fire way of not getting a case of the Mondays is by getting up at 5:30 am and going directly to the lake on a Monday morning. A couple of guys that I mountain bike with, take their boat out every Monday morning and since I'm such a stellar boarder, they invited me...or because I wear a bikini. I guess guys get sick of hanging out with males all the time so once in a while they let females on board to shake it up a little. Either way, I jumped on the opportunity and headed up to Ogden to Pine View lake.
Glass. The lake was glass and the water was warm and I was in heaven. I'm not so much a good wakeboarder, but I love it and had a great time this morning. I rolled into work a little later than usual (12:30) but when it's your last week of work, wakeboarding on company time is normal.
As I type I'm starting to feel the effects of my face plant, but it was worth it. The left side of my neck is twitching. Mark is the guy driving and is a maniac on the slalom.

Justin is the maniac on the wakeboard and pretty good at a cherry bomb.

Scott is still broken wristed and had to sit on the boat taking pictures all morning.

I am the girl in the pictures. Notice that my little bottoms have a little skirt just in case you weren't sure.

That is the same smile a small child makes when they are truly happy.

Call These Cops!

2007-08-03T09:16:00.000-06:00

This week I've wanted to blog, but don't have any pictures and being the good hostess that I am, have not wanted to bore my readers. Well, I still don't have any pictures but have decided to bore you anyways.
Tuesday was a great day because I made it to work instead of being in jail. Alright, it really wasn't that serious, but there was a slight chance I could've been cuffed 'n stuffed Monday night. I'm not going to lie... I kind of think it would be fun, but in real life not really.
Monday night was our friend, Greg's, birthday so we threw him a little partay. Don't worry, I know how to throw a Bday party. Pink Flamingo pinata....'nuff said. I got a little excited and ruined the pink flamingo by attacking it without the blind fold. It didn't really stand a chance against the Louisville Slugger. We decided to go swimming since there was no more flamingo fun to be had but the residents of Andrea's complex didn't think that pool fun was much fun at all so they sent some sort of manager down to tell us to leave. I am and always have been very respectful to authority and my elders. Even if someone is a day older than me, I will do what they tell me. It's weird. So being the accomodating, respectful person that I am, I got out of the pool and complied with this woman's commands. Our friend, Ian, however, is none of the above. He decided that leaving was not an option and proved his point by throwing a lounge chair in the pool. WTF? None of us really got it. I'm still confused and I've had a few days to think about it. Needless to say, manager lady was angry and threatened to call the cops. "Please don't do that ma'am." I plead. "What's your name?" She spat in my face. What's my name? Well one thing you all need to know about me is that when confronted or put in a corner where I could possibly be in trouble, I lie. Not only do I lie... I lie well. "Jessica." That's right. My name was Jessica. K, long story short, after many lies I calmed her down and Andrea's landlord has been looking for Jessica ever since.
Since I wasn't in jail that made it possible to go on my Tuesday mountain bike ride. There were about 9 of us that went on the Glenwilde trail in Park City. It was a cool trail, but not nearly as beautiful as the ones in the Salt Lake mountains. My friend, Scott, who is the best rider in the group over-wheelied and fell backwards landing on his back and wrist. Being a man and not having a brain, he continued on the trail another mile or so. The group stopped to get water and talk for a minute and that's when Scott realized he didn't feel well. He announced that he was going to ride in the back. Sweet, someone else behind me. That just means I look even better! The lead guys took off and we were still sucking on our camelbacks and Scott said he was feeling light headed. Right as I was telling him he should probably sit down, he fell slow motion straight forward and face planted in a bush. This was the weirdest thing I've ever seen (right behind Ian throwing the lawn chair in the pool). I felt like a jerk because I was standing right next to him and probably could have caught him but he did it so slow and nonchalant that I thought he was joking. He didn't buckle at the knees or even begin to put his hands out to catch himself, he fell straight forward and his face broke his fall. Oh, I do have pics thanks to Justin, our group ride camera man. Check out Scott's face after coming to. He wasn't feeling very good. Of course these pictures don't do it justice, but his lips were the same color as his teeth. It was creepy.

I rode back to the trailhead with Scott because I was worried he'd pass out again. His wrist was hurting him pretty bad and he still didn't look very good so I followed him. Even riding with one hand, I couldn't keep up with him. I might give up mountain biking soon 'cause I really suck at it. Wating at the trailhead Scott and I were discussing whether he should go to the doctor or not. I said 'yes' because I'm a girl and that is always what we say. Scott said 'no' because, not to be repetetive but, he's a man with no brain and that's what they always say. His wife is a nurse though so I figured she'd know what to do. She told him to go to the doctor and he did and found out that it's fractured and now he's got a cast. Poor Scott. I feel bad for him because there is a lot of summer left and I also feel bad for me because now my mountain bike and motorcycle buddy is out of commission.
The last 2 days I've been in a work ping pong tournament again. The last time I tried this I lost my first two games and was double outed. This time I've won both games! Today I have to play again and it's the championship game. I've been thinking about a ping pong career in the Air Force. I'm pretty good.
Speaking of the Air Force. Lackland Air Force Base has a website that tells you all about Basic Training. It gives you stats and drills and schedules of things you'll be doing while going through basic training. It doesn't tell you what kind of things they're going to yell at you though. I want to be prepared for their verbal lashings but I guess they want you to be caught off guard so they can 'break you down'. Whatever. Well if you want to be a 'Warhawk' in the physical training standards (that's the highest level) a woman has to do this:
Run 1.5 miles in 10:55 (I feel like maybe after 4 months of training I can do this)
40 push-ups (Little bit scared, but it's feasible)
60 sit-ups (I guess that one is a freebe?)
5 pull-ups (WTF?)
Have I ever met a girl that can do 5 pull-ups? I'm not sure but I'm asking from now on. Hi, my name is Carrie. How many pull-ups have you ever been able to do consecutively in your life? Even in 3rd grade when I got the Presidential fitness award I could only do 3. Luckily I'm not an over achiever so it looks like I'll be getting the Liberator medal award. 0 pull-ups are required for that one. After reading the website it got me motivated so I went to the gym after work and did 1/2 a pull-up... that discouraged me and I went home.

Weekend Update

2007-07-30T10:27:00.000-06:00

I am being 100% honest when I say that I don't know how I am here at work today. This weekend was so full of activities, sun and lack of sleep that it's a miracle I am awake. Awake, yes. Alert? Not at all. It's hard to make full sentences or respond immediately after a question has been directed towards me. I am not a smart person today.
Thursday, since my brother was still here, we all went out and karaoked.

Friday after work I took off with a couple of guys I work with and we rode the Alpine Loop. I love that ride and it's so convenient to do from where I work. The mouth of American Fork canyon is right up the road and the end of the loop spits me right out on the road I live on.

Saturday day I went on the UUtah group ride to Sundance and totally ate it. Pretty much in the exact spot Ali did a month earlier. No one saw because I was of course in the back since I'm extremely slow compared to all the guys, so I at least didn't have to deal with that, but my leg looks pretty sick now from all the bruises.

After the ride I cooled off in my new pool! I am finally all moved into my new apt and there is a nice little pool and a very nice sand volleyball court so if anyone wants to join me and my pool boy Javier, I'll be laying out enjoying his specialty daquaries from 10-2 on a daily basis.

Saturday night we all got together for a bonfire at Ben's house where I didn't take any pictures but we can pretend this one is from the party.

Sunday was spent worshipping in the outdoors at the beautiful lake, Jordanelle. After a long session of glorious praise and thanksgiving, we continued to give thanks for our bounty by barbecueing many of the wonderous fruits, vegetables and meats that have been graciously placed on this earth.

My Boys

2007-07-26T10:28:00.000-06:00

My last blog showcased my hot, cool girl friends. Today's will brag a little about my hot, cool boys.
Brooks: Brooks J. Gordon is my hero and lifesaver and favorite boy ever! I started the Brooks Gordon fan club in September 2005 when he came to my rescue during a case of acute appendicitis. I was all alone at the hospital since I didn't have family in Utah and Brooks found me, came to the hospital, lied to the doctor and said he was my brother, saw me naked since the doctor assumed we were family, called my mom to explain the situation (I couldn't call because she's my mom and would have made me cry), clarified my drunken lies and outrageous stories to the nurses while I was going under anaesthesia and was there to calm me down when I woke up crying/coughing and telling more lies after the surgery. No one has a better friend than that. Brooks always fights people for me and always takes care of me like a little sister. Honestly, I could go on for days but too much text in one blog discourages me from reading so I'll let it suffice to say that Brooks Gordon makes 'Ghandi look like a child pornographer'... I swear I didn't make that up. It's a line from a Will Farrell SNL skit. I'm kind of afraid to post that. It's a joke.

Dainon: Dainon Moody is my music pimp, traveling companion and massage trader. Many call Dainon an enigma, but I just don't know what that means so I call him 'D'. You can check out Dainon's blog from my 'Elvis Enthusiast' link. He is an amazing writer and one of the wittiest and prettiest people I know. He's going to love that little rhyme I just made in his honor. Dainon some times comes up behind me in my cube and places his strong, typewriter fingers on my shoulders and does this move I've named 'A Thousand Magic Fingers' and he doesn't know it, but it's the most scrumtrulescent (a word from the same SNL skit) moment of my day. It sends chills throughout my whole body and kind of makes me melt into my chair and pray that he will never stop. So, after typing that all out I've realized it sounds somewhat sexual... I don't care. It kind of is.

I hate to brag, but I am really the luckiest person you know. This is a mere GLIMPSE into the grandiose, magnificent group of friends I currently get to spend most of my time with. They're irreplaceable.

The Struhsters

2007-07-25T10:07:00.001-06:00

Ali and Andrea are two of my favorite girls in this world and the three of us make up the struhsters. Kind of a self titled name that evolved from Ali's made up vocabulary, anyhow, it seems to fit us. I met Ali and Dre after I moved into the marketing department at XanGo and we all fell in love and started hanging out with Brooks and Dainon. Don't worry boys, I'll dedicate a post to your hot faces too. Dainon's birthday was yesterday so maybe I should've thought of this earlier. My bad.
So my girls are amazing and I love them. Ali is super sweet, energetic and hilarious. She is business savvy one second and pure ghetto awesome the next. She's always there with encouraging words or comforting ones when needed. She has another side to her however, that comes out when she is hungry. You've never seen a skinny, white girl eat so much and when she needs food and it's not there, F words start flying. I get scared sometimes, but never the kind of scared where you are afraid you're not going to be friends anymore, more like scared that a fork is going to come flying into my eye if the server doesn't get there with food in 25 seconds. It makes going out with Ali a delight and a nightmare all at the same time. More fun than you've ever had, trust me.
Andrea is the least assuming, least judgemental person I know and epitomizes the term 'To each his own'. She is always willing to try out some new adventure with me and does her best to always keep her word and not bail ever on her friends. Dre, however, cannot live and/or function without her sleep. Dre without a full 8 1/2 hours of sleep each night is like a drunken child constantly on the verge of a cold or some other illness because her body will NOT be deprived of its sleep. With her 8 1/2 hours of sleep, full REM cycle included, she is a well oiled machine that cannot be stopped.
Since I'm leaving in October we've planned several vacations, activities and nights out so I can try and get my fill of my Struhsters, but I don't think it's possible.

Another Tradeshow

2007-07-24T09:31:00.000-06:00

This weekend's tradeshow was the slowest one I've been to, which means we had the most fun ever trying to entertain ourselves. Luckily I always go with the coolest XanGo employees so we manage fairly well. Like always, there are tons of new products to try and on Sunday a guy was walking around dropping his samples off at booths so I was a sitting duck just waiting to be attacked by these unscrupulous vendors. Ali and I were the innocent victims to a stress relieving raspberry trouffle which seemed more like a chocolate shot of whiskey. It did taste amazing like he promised, but we were literally drunk for about 3 hours after that. Not that I'm complaining. It did make our booth a whole lot more exciting but we may have crossed the line after repeatedly sexually harrassing our male coworker and any males that entered the booth. They're not lieing about those beer goggles. Carazay!
Our group went to Ka, a Cirque Du Soleil show that tells a story. There were no words so I didn't understand any of it, but I guess other people did because the were raving about it. I've never been into interpretive dance or art or anything like that. I just liked the flips and crazy body contortions they do. I'm a simple minded girl.
I got home late Sunday night, fell right asleep and woke up to my nephew and sister arriving! I was pretty pumped for about 10 minutes then fell right back to sleep. Once I woke up Amy and I took Bradley to the Scera pool so I could still be his favorite. I also bought him a Jamba Juice smoothie. There's no way I'm not his favorite. He also really likes my cougar growl.

Since it is Pioneer Day and we don't get the day off, most people took it off. Idiots. I didn't use my PTO for the holiday but since none of my bosses are here, pretty sure I'll be out of the office by 3. Learn from my wisdom.

Little Water

2007-07-20T15:03:00.000-06:00

I'm so bummed that I don't have any pictures for this post because I rode a new trail (new to me) up Millcreek Canyon and it was AMAZING! There were wildflowers everywhere, a babbling brook, aspen trees and chipmunks! One got dangerously close so we had a staring contest and I won.
This trail was pretty much uphill the whole time and at one point I was breathing so hard that I almost lost bladder control. It was a new, weird sensation for me. I didn't like it. Awkward as well I would like to add. It might have been because I got up at 5:30 AM (in the morning) to make this ride. Why am I crazy? I was so tired since last night I went to Brewvies and saw Hot Fuzz and didn't get to sleep until 12:30 AM (in the morning). But it worked out so right after my ride I went home, showered, packed rolled into work at 2 and will roll out in exactly 49 minutes to catch my flight to Vegas.
I'm so excited to see Marleah and Mical again and to hopefully post pictures from some random moment/event in a hotel casino. We're going to see Ka (thanks to Ali and the fact that we are all missing out on the company summer party) and eat a lot. That pretty much covers what I do in Vegas each time I go.
Not to brag even more, but when I get home my precious little nephew and sister are going to be there and we're going to 7 Peaks immediately. I need to maintain the favorite Aunt status and it's been a while since I've seen Bradley. Then, on Wedensday, my older brother is flying out to help us move and he's going to look for a job! If anyone knows of a job that a logger could do here in Utah, let me know and I'll have him apply. Way to move to Utah when I decide to join the military. Thanks, Jeffrey.

Mueller Park

2007-07-18T09:53:00.001-06:00

Last night I finally made it back to my weekly riding group and we went on one of the funnest (mainly because it was easy) trails I've been on around here. Mueller Park is up in Bountiful and the trail is hard packed, not to steep and beautiful! We rode about 3.5 miles to a HUGE boulder, sat on it for a while, then rode back down. It was raining on and off (sprinkling) so there were only 2 other riders on the trail and the air was nice and cool. Some parts had pockets of hot air that would make my arms steamy...and sexy.

The group was small last night. Just 5 of us.

Um, some of them got pretty scared. Luckily they had me as their fearless leader.

Rough night.

Just a glorious rainbow.

Me, hot and steamy. Just like I promised.

The big rock we stopped and rested on.

It's a Boy!

2007-07-17T10:42:00.001-06:00

This is my second post today, but I just got a call from my sister and she had the ultrasound today and is having a boy!!! I'm so excited. I love being an Aunt. I love being the favorite Aunt.
I was hoping maybe for a girl, but now when Amy does have a girl, she'll have 2 big brothers to protect her. I like that.

Airman Burt

2007-07-17T10:12:00.000-06:00

I figured it's about time I publicly announce my latest decision. While some of you thought I was getting married or got knocked up, the truth is I joined the Air Force. Yes, the military. Please address me as Airman Burt from now on. Hey, at least I didn't join the Navy. Seaman Burt? No thanks. Sorry Paul. My little brother is actually Seaman Burt.
So here are the details:

I am leaving (or entering active duty) on October 1
I will go to basic training in San Antonio for 8 weeks
I will go to technical school for 9 months
I am a biomedical equipment technician
I will be working in a hospital somewhere
I will find out where I'm based while in tech school

The reason for all of this is so I can go to school. I have a hard time focusing and sacrificing with all kinds of fun going on around me, but I'm pretty sure the military is not going to be a barrel of monkeys kind of fun and that will help me get down to business. Don't get me wrong. I'm really excited about it, but hoping to be a little more serious and not play as much.
Just think about all the awesome blogs I'm going to get to write! All of my decisions in life are based on whether it would make a good blog or not. It's weird.
I almost joined the Navy when I was a Senior in highschool (I didn't know about the seaman thing back then) but my dad talked me out of it. He was scared that me being a girl, I wouldn't be treated well. He's probably right, but I hear things aren't too bad anymore. Equal rights or something like that.
Well if you know me at all you're probably surprised, but not that surprised. Oh, my last day at XanGo is August 3rd so if anyone wants to hang out and do some pushups or something, I'll be hanging out August and September...doing pushups.

Llama Fest

2007-07-16T09:09:00.000-06:00

If you live in Utah you've probably heard about the annual Llama Fest held in Spanish Fork at the Hare Krishna temple. Saturday was my first time celebrating the llama species and also visiting the temple. The temple is beautiful and has a nice store with tons of cool Indian stuff, which I love, but what I was really looking for was an experienced henna artist to tattoo my feet all up. They have self applied henna and that's just not the same.

So llamas. Uh, they're cool but I don't feel the same emotion for them as the couple running llama fest. After judging the males under 3, a man got up and started bearing his testimony about the grace and splendor of llamas and that's when I realized that multiple universes exist on planet earth. We were living in completely different worlds. For example, here is a direct quote from the llama worshipping man. "Llamas are art. Living art. Each lift of the eyebrow, each turn of the head is graceful art." I was just thinking about the soft llama skin rug I have on my living room floor and how much I love laying on it and rubbing my face on the softest pieces of dead llama.

I did enjoy feeding the llamas. I was however, in a constant state of fear that one of them was going to spit on me. With each lift of the eyebrow or turn of the head, I was ready to flee to safety. I made it without even seeing a llama spit (which I was slightly disappointed about).

That's pretty much all I did this weekend. I packed up my stuff because I'm moving again, but that's nothing new. I also hung out with my cute niece, Allie, at Kinko's. She liked my sunglasses.

Progress

2007-07-12T13:33:00.000-06:00

I have nothing of any interest to write about today but I'm pretty bored here at work and thought I'd just point out that my hair is growing. This makes me happy. Another thing that makes me incredibly happy and happens once every week or two is when I'm really tired and you do that really deep stretch were your legs kind of give out and everything goes quiet because your yawn has somehow affected your ear holes and closed them off completely and then you reach up to rub the heck out of your eyes, but right as you are about to finish the most amazing eye rub, you automatically remember 'Crap! I'm wearing mascara', but then right as you think that you remember that you were too lazy to put makeup on that day and you are au natural and then comes the happy feeling my runon sentence is trying to describe. That's one of the greatest moments in my tired days at work. The uabashed, guiltless joy from letting it all out. Mmmm. That was nice.
So, my hair. Here's what it looked like almost exactly one year ago.

Here is what it currently looks like.

My hair has always been cutting edge. We've all seen how good it's looked over the years. Let's just recap real fast.

Mullett+Lasers=Carrie Burt in 3rd grade

Tight perm+hot pink hair pick=Carrie Burt's hair once the mullett grew out

Uh, skipping a few years here...

A box of Clairol hairdye turned that frumpy brown hair into 'livin' la vida loca!' I had recently returned from a year and a half stint in Brazil which may or may not have influenced this decision. You be the judge.

A good deal on extensions made the 'vida loca' even more loca!

I make New Years Resolutions I can achieve that day. Then it's considered an accomplishment. New Years 2006...cut my hair. I'm an incredible example to all of you.

Just growing

Yep, that's my scalp... I cut all of the color out of my hair so I would never have to dye it again.

This picture has nothing to do with my hair. It was taken a month after the previous picture. I just wanted to show off. In case you weren't sure, I'm tough.

That hair do is quasi perm.

Now you all know why you're friends with me. I've known it all along so don't feel bad. You can't help it. No one can really.

Son of a bee sting!

2007-07-10T14:17:00.000-06:00

Yes, that is a direct quote from the greatest movie ever made. Anchorman. I say it today because I got stung! By a bee! On my toe!
Some friends and I went to Raging Waters in the beautiful West Valley City and right as Ali said, "Hey guys, watch out for bees." I stepped directly on one and it immediately stuck it's stinger into my second little piggy. The one that stayed home...from the market. No, not the roast beef one.
The sting occured exactly two minutes after we got there but I wasn't going to let that rude little bee ruin my day. Just a few mintes of it. Once I recovered I set out for the greatest slide known to man. The Acapulco. Es muy bueno. Me gusta mucho.
So West Valley has such a bad rep, but I'm here to say that it has 3-4 things going for it.
1. Raging Freaking Waters
2. The greatest drive in theatre
3. The E Center where people like Gwen Stefani go to play their enchanting music
4. Diversity (not the old wooden ship (if you didn't get that it's time you watch Anchorman))
Not being from Utah all people tell you about WVC is that it is THE GHETTO! Well guess what native Utahns. I've been to the ghetto or favela and West Valley IS NOT the ghetto. No ghetto has a Raging Waters. Trust me. They do usually have open sewage flowing freely but no one is enjoying it. No one.
After hours of sheer delight and fun in the sun, we went to Kody's house to have the greatest BBQ and watch a Dane Cook DVD. My abs are still sore from laughing. The man is genius.
I made another trip to the Spanish Fork hot pots last night with some friends. I have to trick people into going every time because it really takes a while to get to the trail head, then it's an hour hike in, you sit in the pots for a while and hike another hour back. We got home at 3 in the morning and I managed to get to work at 10. I also managed to fall on the hike back and hurt my knee. No mountain biking today. I'm bummed about that because today's ride is Dog Lake and I've been wanting to do that one.

Oregon Trail

2007-07-09T13:02:00.000-06:00

Not only was that the best computer game of the 80's, it was my entire week. I left for Oregon on the 1st around noon and got to my brother's house in Eugene at 12:30 am. I love road trips but every time I do this one I start to regret it 8 hours into the 13 hour trek. Here are a few pictures to prove how boring the drive was.

Of course it was all worth it once I arrived (and slept for a few hours) in the most beautiful state in our great nation. The main reason for going was to celebrate the 4th with Jeff and attend his work party. What could be better than a large gathering of hot mountain men who spend all day with chainsaws and axes and suspenders? Throw in unlimited alcohol and things get pretty funny. I wish I would have video taped the whole night for you all to witness.

I went jogging and mountain biking while I was there and hung out with family.

I made my way down to my hometown of Roseburg and drove around checking out all my old hang out spots. Nothing has really changed but there's nothing like a drive down memory lane.
Saturday morning I got up at 7 and took off for Utah. My friend Kate lives in Bend so I met up with her for some brunch and hung out there for a while.

After Bend I reached a town called Burns where I was forced to detour 150 miles due to forest fires along the highway. I was none too pleased, but I did get to drive through the amazing Melheur forest and listen to all of the Led Zeppelin that I have on my Ipod. Which is a lot. I think I have almost every album.

I was getting pretty anxious to get back to Utah and meet my friends for some Saturday night fun but once again was delayed in Centerville, UT. UDOT thought it would be a great idea to reduce the 4 lane freeway to 1 so it took me 30 minutes to drive 2 miles. I made it though and had a great night.
Here are some pictures to make you all jealous of the great state of Oregon and wish we all lived there. I do.

Lucky Number 8

2007-07-05T19:16:00.000-06:00

The majority of the free world claims that 7 is the lucky number, but for me it's 8 and always has been. My birthday is 8.18.81. I used to lie to my friends and tell them I was born in 1881 just so I could have one more 8, but most of them caught on to the lie. What?
In the Chinese culture 8 signifies wealth. Obviously...look at me. Look at my life of pageatry and grandeur. It screams filthy riches!!!
Ahem, so it was no surprise that I got 8th place in the Deer Creek Triathlon. I woke up early Saturday morning and drove up the Provo Canyon to the starting line. I'm not going to lie. I was pretty terrified and felt very unprepared having not trained at all in a wetsuit or deep water. It's one thing to swim a lap in a perfectly comfortable temperature, stop, turn around and go back. It's another when the water is so cold you're hyperventilating, you're wearing a wetsuit that fits like a girdle and there is no side of the pool to grab onto every 50 feet. I thought I was going to drown pretty much the entire 1/2 mile, but somehow managed to not be the last person out of the swim.
The 7 mile mountain bike trail was nice. Nothing hard about that. The 5k run was not too bad except the chaffing. Yes, I'm publicly announcing that my chubby thighs rub and having just swam and still wearing my bathing suit, it became slightly uncomfortable around the second mile. Also, I forgot to pee before I got out of the lake (Chandy is happy to hear that since she lent me her wetsuit) and having a girl sized bladder had to make a pit stop at the half way point otherwise the chaffing was going to get worse... a lot worse.
I finished up the race and to my surprise and somewhat humiliation, I got 8th place! Yay for me and my first triathlon. I just kind of want to know how in the hell I beat anybody else. Since I'm such a gifted triathlete I've decided to do an olympic length triathlon. I have also decided to get shorts that don't let my skin rub.
Sorry there are no pictures (I only read the posts that have pictures accompanying the long, long text) but I'm in Oregon at my Grandma's house and don't have access to uploading them yet. Don't worry. You'll get to see me with my 8th place award.

OHHH...the womb

2007-06-28T10:03:00.001-06:00

Tuesday for lunch Chandy and I went to visit our long lost friend, Stefanie. I guess having a baby puts you out for a while... I don't get it. We missed her so much at work that we took a field trip to Cafe Rio, then Orem and hung out with Stefanie and Alice.
Obviously I don't have to go on and on about how ADORABLE Alice is and how she has the cutest cheeks and already knows that 'Odoyle Rules' and is basically a baby genius, I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Stefanie is also looking amazing and loving being a mom and also loving her baby sling which I am fascinated by. It puts the baby in the fetal position making them feel protected and comfortable like they were in the womb. I guess Alice likes this because all Stefanie has to do is put her in the sling and the crying stops.

I'm not going to lie, if someone could carry me around in something like that, I'd goo and gaa for everyone. One of my greatest desires is to just be carried around everywhere. Especially when I'm tired. I remember that sad night when I was a kid and fell asleep on the couch watching the Cosby Show. My dad woke me up to tell me it was bedtime and that I needed to get up. This was weird because normally he would just scoop me up and carry me to my room where I would remain sleeping and dreaming. I asked him to just carry me and he said 'no'. WTF DAD!!! Carry me now! (I had a sort of explosive rage problem as a child which only worsened when someone messed with my sleep). He then told me that I was too big and I needed to get up and go to my room by myself. Well, I was none too pleased and let everyone know it and since that day I've longed to be carried around. Just one more instance to prove that I may be the laziest person on earth.
Don't any of you think of stealing my idea for the adult sling. It's mine!

This ain't a scene...

2007-06-26T11:12:00.000-06:00

It's a Fall Out Boy concert! Some friends and I went to the E Center for some punk rock action last night. Having decided never to go to another show alone, I went with 5 other people. Much bettah.

I'm not a huge fan, but I do like their new song and tickets were only $9.60 so why not? I was pleasantly surprised with the performances and enjoyed all of the pyrotechnics. NOT surprisingly I was one of the oldest people there and I think I saw some 12 year olds laughing at my dancing. I guess it could have been my clothes. Tecnically it could have been a number of things since I'm that old person I used to make fun of at concerts. Wait, my first concert was when I was 17. Kids these days have no respect for their elders. I was a little concerned when I saw a group of 10 year olds moshing (without parental supervision) but they didn't really get the whole throw-yourself-into-each-other aspect of moshing and were instead running circles around one of their friends. At least they weren't bumping into me.
One of my other random pleasures in life is taking pictures with my face in cut outs. It's almost equivalent to my love of smashed pennies. I like the pennies better, but I have a lot of the pictures too. Most are on old school film but here's another one I have on file.

$200

2007-06-25T16:58:00.000-06:00

My good intentions of trying to settle down and have some resposibility were 'sold' out the window on Friday for $200. The time to move is once again upon me and trying to find a place for me and my responsibility (Paisley) was becoming increasingly difficult. I'm sad to say that I sold Paisley. We all knew I was getting in over my head when I decided to get a dog. And while I had a good 3-4 months with my cute little companion and my responsible lifestyle, the ramblin' (wo)man inside me eventually took over.
Although I did love Paisley and provided a nice home and good food for her, I think she will be happier where she is at now. A nice guy picked her up with his daughter, Hayley, and their dog, Sam, and drove off in their Subaru. His wife used to raise American Bulldogs and they have 3 kids and a dog so Paisley will now have a constant companion and cute little kids to play with. She will also return to being an indoor dog and will enjoy the comforts of air conditioning and drinking from the toilet bowl once again.
One day I count on joining the ranks of the mature and stable, but for now I'm pretty sure I need to not try and be something that I desperately don't want to be. An adult.

Almost Famous

2007-06-22T09:44:00.001-06:00

This week I had my 15 minutes of fame. A while back I was asked to do a filmed interview for UCMT, the massage school I graduated from. After graduating I interviewed with a cruise line just to see if I could get a job, and I did. They hired me but I didn't want to spend 8 months on a ship so I turned it down, but not before I went to the studio and bragged about how easy it was to get hired and the $80,000 I was going to make in 8 months. That was last winter and I never heard from the school about airing the commercial so I assumed they didn't like me and just canned it.
Tuesday Stefanie called me to tell me that she saw my commercial and wanted my autograph. Patience people... patience. I'll get around to all of you. I'll be having a signing at the massage school next week so that would really work best for me. Thanks.
I haven't seen the commercial yet and have tried searching for it online, but somehow I doubt anyone went to the effort to rip it from TV and upload it to youtube. If you did, however, please let me know so I can revel in my celebrity. I'll be sure to post it on my blog if I ever find it.
Last night, right before bed, Dainon texted me asking which Jamiroquai song I wanted him to play on his radio show. I answered immediately with either 'Little L' or 'Star Child'. Neither of which he had, so instead his audience had the pleasure of hearing 'Canned Heat'. He also said my name over the air waves making me almost famous 2 times in one week!
K, well Paris is calling so I have to go. I guess Nicole is pissed that I've been visiting her more so I've got some PR to do. Ciao!

The Bobsled

2007-06-20T15:43:00.001-06:00

Tuesday nights are the UUtah rides. A guy I work with, Scott, started an outdoor online community where outdoorsy people can post outdoor stuff and the rest of us can learn from their wisdom. There's a weekly mountain bike ride that I've started going to and last night we rode a trail called 'The Bobsled'. All I heard about this trail was that it was all hard packed downhill fun. Like a luge! Yeah, a luge! How fun! I can't wait to ride my bike down a luge-like trail. It's 4 miles and the first 3 are like riding the wrong way up the luge. I could barely make it to the luge part because the uphill was so hard! Once I got to the luge I was so tired and hot and sweaty that it had lost its appeal.
Really I had a good time. I was just surprised that even after so much hard working out, I'm still extremely not in good shape. I kind of in my mind thought I could take a hill. Well I was wrong. It took me. If you want to see a cool video of the luge (taken by someone much better than me) click on this link.
For all of you Utahns who are looking for a good time on Monday, come join me at the E Center. Fall Out Boy is playing and it's not a scene, it's an arms race I guess. This link will get you hooked up with some cheap tickets, thanks to Dainon, my concert pimp. Consider it a hump day present from me and my pimp!Fall Out Boy

Sundance Down

2007-06-18T09:38:00.000-06:00

Once again I've benefited from some of the smaller perks we get here at XanGo. I'm not going to lie... I take full advantage of all the free stuff they offer. This weekend it was 4 free passes to the ski lift at Sundance. Most people only think these passes are cool during ski season, but the really awesome people use them in the summer for mountain biking. You get to ride your lazy butt up the lift while enjoying breath taking views of the verdant Utah mountains. After the relaxing ride up, you get to wind and weave your way down your pick of several lush, single track trails.

Unfortunately the first ride started off with some serious loose dirt and rocks and Ali found her way to the ground rather violently, scratching her shoulder up and hurting her hand pretty bad. Due to a syndrom she was recently diagnosed with, she immediately began passing out. Ali suffers from Vaso-Vagal Syndrome which causes her to pass out when her body experiences higher levels of pain.
Once we made it down to the lodge we got her shoulder all cleaned up, during which, she passed out 3-4 more times, then headed up for a few more runs. She took it like the BAMF that she is and hung out for a few more hours before taking off. These pictures portray only a small percentage of her toughness, but you can tell that she would win in a bear fight.

The only other injuries sutained were Tyler's pedals tearing into his leg and Scott eating it on the easiest part of the trail. He had nothing to show for it though.

After the long day of playing, it was time to get down to business... massages at UCMT. I had some serious lower back issues to work out and being alumni and all, I get free massages. It's risky business though. You never know how much experience your therapist has so sometimes you get the newbies that only know how to rub lotion on your body which provides no relief whatsoever. This weekend I was not as fortunate as the last and my therapist was slightly imbalanced... and not that good.
Even if you don't want to bike down some fun trails, you should go up to Sundance and check out how beautiful it is up there. Being that it's only a few minutes away, you should really take advantage of it.

Salt Lake Real vs. Dallas who cares

2007-06-15T14:15:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I went to the Salt Lake Real soccer game to watch them play the Dallas team. I am not the biggest sports fan but normally I can get into a game if I'm at the stadium or field and am actually watching the game live. I can not follow a game on TV to save my life. Last night I was unusually unattentive because shortly after arriving I discovered that my best friend, Lindsay, and her family were only 2 sections away. Thanks to Blackberry Messenger we decided to meet by the icecream of the future stand so I could give my cute little niece, Allie, some kisses.

Allie was so adorable and cute that I didn't make it back to my seat until time was up and we were in overtime. It was tied at 0 so apparently I hadn't missed much. Lucky for me someone scored during the 5 minutes I was actually in my seat, watching the game. Unlucky for me Dallas was the team who scored. Alright, I really didn't care... At all. I don't even really get bugged if I lose at a game. Sometimes I get bugged when I lose in ping pong, but I'm getting more and more used to that.
I was glad to go to the game because I love the atmosphere and how cool stadiums are and I always really appreciate the bands who keep me constantly bobbing my head until I realize that I've gotten way too into it and the people next to me are staring. However, if I had to actually watch a whole sporting event from start to end without doing something else, I don't think I'd be so into it. Games are only as much fun as the people you're there with and since I had such a cutie pie there to entertain me it was a really good time. I bet you're having a good time just looking at how cute she is!

Power Pump

2007-06-14T10:24:00.000-06:00

Everytime I think I'm in shape I go to this particular Gold's Gym class called 'Power Pump' and have some skinny, sweaty woman leading the class, yell in my face that I actually am not. The phenomenon known as Power Pump is mind boggling. Why on earth would anyone choose (voluntarily choose) to get up at 5 a.m. to put themselves through an hour of utter torture? The class is a mix of aerobics and weights for optimal calorie burning. It also makes me almost puke every time I go. I also almost fall off the step several times during the hour.
This is my latest routine to get ready for my fast approaching triathlon. Tuesdays and Thursdays Power Pump at the Gold's in AF. I don't really know why I signed up for this triathlon. My last physical challenge was last year when I signed up for the Wasatch Back Relay. Probably the worst mistake of my life.

I look so confident in my abilities

We ran from Logan to Park City. 178 miles divvied between 12 people. I guess I didn't realize that I was going to have to run some of those miles because I was not ready or trained when the time came to run 14 miles. I vowed inside our van not to run for 3 solid months after that and not only did I reach my goal, I surpassed it and didn't move any faster than a brisk walk for 4 1/2 months.

Not so confidnet anymore. Probably because I had to actually run and not just take pictures.

They say that you forget the pain of child birth so you will have more children and I can only guess that the same applys to exercising and races and stuff like that. I was having a memory lapse when I signed up and paid for this 'sporting event'. Well now I'm paying the price again and that is through Power Pump.

I guess this was the part I remembered when making my hasty decision

If any of you reading this have ignored all the advice I've been giving and want to participate in the Deer Creek Triathlon, here is the link www.trailrun.com/deercreektri. You're going to regret this.

Summertime when the livin's easy

2007-06-11T16:40:00.001-06:00

I can't get enough of the summer and I especially can't get enough of the weekends. All I'm doin' is workin' for the weekend. It's true. At the end of each weekend all I do is dread the next morning when I have to return to work and am stuck inside for 9 hours out of the precious day. I feel like 40 hours a week is a ridiculous amount of time to waste on work and think that America needs to rethink this whole full-time crap. I'm on a quest to make a lot of money while working minimal hours and focus more on perfecting my skills. Mainly numchuck skills and sharp shooting... the important ones.
This weekend was packed full and made me so happy. Thanks to one of my favorite families (the Farnsworths) I got to go wakeboarding Saturday morning. This is by far my favorite thing to do in the summer and it was my first run of the season. I didn't tear it up or anything, but I at least got up. Immediately after the lake I had to run home to give a massage and I was kind of hurting so I decided that I needed one too and went to the massage school to press my luck and see if I could score a good therapist. My kharma was good and I ended up with an amazingly strong girl who delivered so much pressure that I have bruises! It was great. Then right after one of the best massages I've ever had at the school, I got second one for free because there were more therapists than clients so they start giving them away. It's a little secret I know and am kindly sharing with you.
Saturday night we celebrated Colin's 24th Bday at Green Street and shook it all night long. We went to bed late, slept in then hiked it over to Ali's pool and caught up on the week since Ali had been in Hawaii for 9 days. After a strenuous day of laying out and lounging around I went home and began the first season of Arrested Development with Paisley. She seemed to like it but I think she was mainly happy to be in the air conditioned house instead of outside hiding under any shade she can find.
Basically this is my tribute to summer and how happy it makes me. Just look at my face and tell me that's not the look of pure joy... or pure stupid. One or the other. Maybe one of each.

Citizen Cope

2007-06-11T15:52:00.000-06:00

Last Thursday I stepped out of my comfort zone and went to a concert all by my grown up self. I was basically forced to since none of my friends (except Dainon) have ever heard of him. His music is pretty mellow so I knew I could just sit down alone and enjoy the songs. I saw Citizen Cope open for Nelly Furtado back in 2000. We connected immediately and I've loved him ever since.
So the whole 'being grown up and doing things alone' thing totally sucks and I never want to do it again. From now on if I can't convince someone that I'm exciting enough to just chance it and try out something new, I'll find other activities to keep myself occupied. I don't understand how people can travel alone. I'd rather hang out with someone here in town, than hang out alone in another city or country. It's just not in me.
I'm sure this blog has been extremely uninteresting to my normal readers since I apparently am the only person who listens to Citizen C-O-P-E but I highly recommend him if you're into what some might call 'pot head music'.

Dr. Burt

2007-06-07T11:55:00.000-06:00

My inner most desire and lifelong dream has been to be a doctor. I love anatomy and physiology and giving shots and getting shots and anything health related. Mainly the reason I am not in medical school or a nurse or anything of that nature is because I'm lazy. I did manage to stay in the same school for a whole year while studying massage and even better, I passed all of my tests and am nationally certified. For now I have to settle for Carrie Burt, LMT. That is the only acronym I get.
Lucky for me most people don't like blood and/or caring for injured people so when there's an accident, I always get to pretend I'm Dr. Burt. On Tuesday my good friend, Andrea, and I joined a group of avid mountain bikers and rode the Draper Shoreline Trail.

Unfortunately Dre and I are not by definition 'avid bikers', but they assured us it was an easy trail and they didn't mind stopping to wait for us. While I'm sure there are much more advanced trails out there, this one was no walk in the park. There were plenty of steep downhill parts, streams to ride through, sandy areas and skinny paths with the mountain on one side and a cliff leading to your imminent death on the other. These were all manageable until the very end when it was mixed with fatigue from all of the uphill riding. Long story, short... Andrea's back tire decided to hug the imminent death side of the trail and pull her and her bike down a 7ft ravine. Because of Andrea's karate background (she reached a yellow belt I heard) she ninja kicked the mountain and it spit the two back up so she wouldn't continue all the way down to her demise. When Scott found her, she and bike were pretty roughed up.

This is when I got to play Dr. Burt and was able to use my First Aid kit for the first time! I was really excited about this. I cleaned the wounds, applied anti-bacterial ointment and bandaged her all up. I then advised her (with all of my medical background) that she did not need stitches and that a butterfly bandaid or super glue would be fine. Around 10:30 a.m. the next day she called me from the doctors because she was getting stitches... my bad! Technically I can't be sued for malpractice as I am not a real doctor, but I'm writing this to apologize for my crappy medical advice. Basically, don't ever believe a word I say.

Man Shorts

2007-06-05T11:01:00.001-06:00

I guess the guys here at my office couldn't deal with the jealous rage they felt from their female coworkers working comfortably and somewhat casually in workshorts. They organized, unbeknownst to any of the women here, a revolt.
I'm normally one of the first employees here in the morning, arriving between 8:20 and 8:30 a.m. This Monday was different. I was one of the first females here, but all of the men had arrived extra early and wearing 'Man Shorts'. Keeping a manly air about them, they accesorized with dress socks, close-toed dress shoes, dress shirts, suit jackets, ties and some of the classier employees... bow ties.

Being open minded and always trying to be empathetic, I could see why they would dislike the fact that women get to wear shorts to work while it is completely unacceptable for them. However, men, I would like to point out that while shorts are comfortable and a joy to wear in the office, we put up with a number of other uncomfortable apparatuses. Please feel free to rock the work shorts if you're prepared to do so properly. First you will need a sassy pair of high heels. They can be open or close-toed, strappy or sturdy, but they must be tall to give your legs a slender look. Second, no socks. Ever. Third, if you are pulling off the business look with shorts, you've got to sport a fitted, button up shirt with some kind of cool cuff or unique accent. Now, if you want to do this look with style you're going to need some trendy jewelry and a great bag to bring it all together.
All I'm trying to say is that women have to deal with a lot of discomfort (I could really get into this but I think you know all of the details I'm eluding to) so give us the work shorts without all the bitching and moaning, please.

M is for Memorial

2007-05-31T16:17:00.000-06:00

and Memorial Day is for Mountain Biking. Ali, Dre and I went up Millcreek Canyon and attempted to mountain bike down the Pipeline trail. We made it all the way down the 7 mile single track trail with only a few minor spills. Ali's was by far the best fall of the day. I laughed so hard that I fell off my bike.
I was in front and came to a sharp turn so I yelled back to warn my girls but Ali must have not heard. I kept riding and stopped when I heard her scream. All I saw were two skinny legs coming out of the grass. While it was really funny, she was uncomfortably close to the edge so we weren't really sure if we should laugh or not. Since she wasn't hurt I figured it was okay so go ahead and laugh without any feelings of guilt.

We continued on and hit some tough spots but managed our way down and went straight home because we were exhausted! Well, we went home after the 3 of us devoured a pizza at Pier 49. I would like to say that I'm grateful for Andrea and Ali not dying and for not turning around even though I lied and told them that the trailhead was close to where we had to park our cars. Love ya!

Free Tampons

2007-05-30T13:11:00.000-06:00

This Memorial Day weekend I was in Vegas along with most of my coworkers at a XanGo regional event pouring juice and giving away Ipod Shuffles. Although a free weekend at The Venetian in the 'city of sin' sounds like a good time, it's hard to enjoy and/or take advantage of it when you're exhausted from working at one of these events.

Two things made it worthwhile:

1). Dinner with Marleah and Mical at the Grand Luxe

2).The box of tampons a group of drunk Vegas enthusiasts bought me at the apothecary

After a grueling day of dealing with distributors, tampons were probably the last thing I wanted to buy. As wonderful and convenient as they are, it still sucks. Luckily while deciding between regular and super the guy in the glasses started flirting with my friend Ali. I'm not sure how it happened but he took my chosen box and started waving it in the air asking the clerk what the price difference was between supers and extra super. Too tired to be embarrassed, I followed my box of tampons to the check stand and pulled out some cash. Since I was such a good sport he threw my stuff in with his bottle of Jim Bean and was the first guy to hit on a girl by paying for her feminine hygiene products. Good job drunk cop-a-feeler...look closely at his left hand. I noticed right before the picture was taken that his hand was conveniently located atop my right bosom, but being too tired and also grateful for the gift, I ignored it, took the picture and then my tampons.

TYDTWD

2007-05-17T15:53:00.000-06:00

Take Your Dog To Work Day is coming up! According the XanGo calendar all employees were given, it's next Wednesday the 23rd. According to some website I found in cyberspace, it's on June 22. The XanGo calendar says that Christmas is on April 6th though, so I'm not sure... Either way I'm choosing the XanGo calendar because it's sooner and I just love instant gratification.
I just found out about it today because my calendar was still turned to April. Thank Ashlee for reminding me about TYDTWD. I noticed my calendar was wrong and am up to date now. So with short notice we are going to plan a dog party in the parking lot to celebrate our patheticness and show off our dogs. Get ready for some doggie cocktails, a runway fashion show and doggie massages. I doubt your dog will beat my dog in the cute contest, but thanks for trying.

Thailand part deux

2007-05-11T12:47:00.000-06:00

So I thought I'd be blogging every day but circumstances have arisen where that has become impossible. Every day in Thailand is fun filled and full of adventures and I don't have time for my boring blog. Words can not do justice to the experiences I've been having here. For example, right now I'm sitting in an open air lobby with jungle sounds all around me in the middle of the night enjoying a night rain while blogging this for you. I have to leave in about 6 hours and am pulling an all nighter to try and outsmart the jet lag. I really do not want to go home... and I stress 'really'. This has been one of the most amazing places I've been. I vote for Thailand!
Tonight was probably the craziest night of my life. Unfortunately for you what happens in Thailand stays in Thailand but let me just make a quick list...
1. Red light district ie. trannys and more hookers than I thought existed
2. Midnight scooter rides
3. Thai boxing match
4. Late night skinny dips in the Adaman Sea
Ok, basically nothing that happened in Thailand stayed in Thailand because I've told all. No one reading this should ever trust me with any juicy secrets because I'll even blog my own.
Anyway, here are some more pictures. I'll have one more Thailand blog to come after I get all the pics from the other guys that I've been hanging out with here.

I know all beach shots look the same but this one was AMAZING!!! Me and Brian on Patong Beach.

I always look SOOOOO hot on vacation. Really, I've never looked better.

Monopoly money? It appears that way but really it's baht. Thailand currency seems more like play money but I'm sure it won't when I see my online bank statement. For now denial sounds like a good idea.

I love Thai people because of their kindness towards all. Even stupid Americans. As we were riding our scooters back to the resort one afternoon several passing Thai scooter enthusiasts warned us that the police were stopping everyone and issuing tickets if you weren't wearing a helmet (which we were) or if you didn't have your license (which some of us didn't have). All 6 of us pulled over to come up with a game plan when someone in the group noticed a trail off the side of the road which appeared to lead down to the beach. After another benevolent Thailand citizen approved our descent on scooters we decided that the sketchy trail was a better option than a ticket or whatever was awaiting us with the cops. Long story short... We made it down, had to ride our scooters for about 500 meters on the beach and just passed the cops. This picture was taken in the attempt to show the jungle we found ourselves in but like all of these pictures, it just doesn't do it justice.

I rode an elephant today.

A girl from the school we visited and donated toys to. Khap khun ka.

Biiiiiiiig Bhudda, big bhudda, big bhudda, big bhudda!

For only 20 baht I purchased a brick to help build the big bhudda. Just in case the whole Christianity thing doesn't work out I'm covering all my bases.

I'm not kidding, it tasted like chicken.

That was to help you block the octopus image from your mind.

Well I really hope you enjoyed this blog because in the time it's taken me to create this masterpiece, I've gotten 12 mosquito bites.

Here's your elephant!

2007-05-09T03:20:00.000-06:00

... And just in case, here's a monkey too...

... I got so excited that I peed a little...

... All of that excitement made me hungry...

... Now let's all be patient and there will be more to come.

Just in case...

2007-05-04T10:15:00.000-06:00

Just in case I don't make it back from Thailand, you're still stuck with my blog Stefanie. Melissa, will you make sure she takes resposibility for this? Thanks.
I'm leaving today and thought I'd leave some deep thoughts for my readers... K, I started that off as a joke, but I actually have been wanting to post the lyrics to this Flaming Lips song for some time now and they happen to be serious so it's taken me a while to find an appropriate time. Mainly because the transition from inappropriate to appropriate is always slightly awkward for me so I avoid it as much as possible. Here it is:

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize

Oh I feel so vulnerable right now. Don't hurt me. See, appropriate to inappropriate is much easier and less awkward. My hands are sweaty right now.
Last night the Metal Gods rocked Liquid Joe's for the (in british accent) six hundred twenty third time. I didn't get any new material from Nigel though and that's always disappointing.
K, I have to leave for the airport soon but stay tuned for some sweet Thailand action pictures!

Work Shorts

2007-05-02T09:31:00.000-06:00

At my office a group of guys celebrate 'Cinco de Moustache' every year. Starting April 1st, each of them begin 'growing season' and let their facial hair flourish. They keep it well manicured until the week of May 5th...which is right now. This is when they shave their beards into molestaches and begin harassing women at work. They stand uncomfortably close to you when you have a quick hallway conversation. Sometimes they give you the molester stare down as you walk past them. Basically they know what they're doing but think it's awesome anyway. Well, it is a little awesome, but distgusting and distrubing at the same time and we all know they do it to bug the ladies because we give them such a hard time about it and even though we pretend to be adults it's obvious that human nature craves these little games so when it comes down to it, Cinco de Moustache fulfills some inner child necessity.
For the past month the women in my office have been 'protesting' or mainly complaining about the holiday and all the Chester Molesters at work but until today we've had nothing to fight them with... nothing until I found something while frantically searching for something to wear to work this morning... work shorts. Another corporate mystery. How women get away with it? It must be the high heels. I don't really know but all men secretly wish they could wear shorts to work. Few brave souls will bear the manpris or caprims, but they're still not shorts.
Take a good look at my work shorts today Cinco de Molestache participants and how comfortable they look. No over heating here 'cause I'm wearing shorts! Viva work shorts.

The Sweet Escape

2007-05-01T14:08:00.000-06:00

Last night Ali and I escaped to beautiful West Valley City for Gwen Stefani's Sweet Escape Tour concert at the E Center. Sweet it was Gwen. Sweet it was. This was my 4th time seeing Gwen live (BTW, we're on a first name basis), but the first 3 times were when she was singing for No Doubt. Although very different, I'm blinded by love and can't tell if I like her music as a 'Diva' or not. I know I liked No Doubt better because I feel like she was more herself, but I still like her music and still love her. I love you Gwen.
Basically we wound it up all night, but not quite as much as the extremely, obnoxiously drunk girls next to us. I'm sure they're lovely girls when they're sober, but I wasn't such a fan of them last night. That sh!t was bananas but luckily nothing could've ruined mine and Gwen's moment together so I still had a great time.
Lady Sovereign opened the show and while I appreciated what she was trying to do, her execution was a little less impressive. A+ on the name and imaging though.

Akon was better than I expected and not bad looking with out a shirt on. He really has an amazing voice and a great DJ.

Last night was magical, mystical, enchanting, spellbinding, numinous, fabulous and fantastic. It was basically like looking into the face of God himself and hearing him say, 'You are my most wondrous creation.' That about sums it up.

Tagged

2007-04-30T17:05:00.001-06:00

Melissa and Stefanie tagged me. I think that's cheating guys! You can't triple stamp a double stampy!!! I tagged all of my blog readers, since there are only 5 of you...I had to tag you all. Sorry. Please don't judge me.

Four Jobs I have had in my life -
1. Dairy Queen (first job)
2. Lifeguard
3. Road construction flagger
4. Elementary school PE teacher

Four Movies I could (and do) watch over and over again -
1. Little Miss Sunshine
2. Anchorman
3. V for Vendetta
4. The Holiday

Four Places I have lived -
1. Long Beach, CA
2. Roseburg, OR
3. Honolulu, HI
4. Belo Horizonte, Brazil

Four television shows I watch -
1. The Cosby Show
2. M*A*S*H
3. 30 Rock
4. Desperate Housewives

Four Places I have gone on vacation -
1. Caribbean Cruise
2. Hawaii
3. New Zealand
4. Puerto Vallarta

Four Websites I visit daily -
1. Friends' blogs
2. Fitness.com
3. Dictionary.com
4. My daily horoscope

Four of my favorite foods -
1. Homemade rolls 'n BBQ chicken
2. Brazilian rice and beans
3. Breakfast food from diners
4. Any dessert that involves caramel and icecream or chocolate or pie or pudding. Mainly things with sugar.

Four places I'd rather be right now -
1. In a boat on a lake wakeboarding
2. Brazil
3. The beach (preferably a tropical one)
4. On my motorcycle

Five People I tag -
1. Dainon Moody
2. Price
3. Jenny Corry
4. Amy Binns (get a blog woman!)
5. DJ L Tron

Recall

2007-04-29T14:11:00.000-06:00

I'd like to recall the 'Bye Bye Bradley' blog. Last time my nephew came to visit he was teething and was a little hard to handle and I didn't deal with that well. This weekend Bradley returned for his first birthday party and my sister's graduation. He now walks and isn't growing any teeth at the moment and was the perfect gentleman all weekend. I was so sad to see him go this morning and miss him already.
The party was a hit and everyone had a lot of fun and a lot of food. The weather was perfect, Paisley was on her best behavior and no kids were lost or hurt during the whole event... As a matter of fact, Allie defeated the wild beast as you can tell by her victory lap around the back yard and the dog.

Saturday early morning was the XanGo golf tournament where my team of 4 came in second out of the women's division. We each won $50 and got to golf at Talon's Cove for free! Second place is a pretty big deal... especially when there are only 2 women's teams. Okay. I suck at golf and this is the third time ever playing and the only reason I signed up was because I knew that we'd leave with at least $50. So, mission accomplished.

Austin City Limits

2007-04-27T15:12:00.000-06:00

There are a lot of really awesome music festivals going on this year and unfortunately I can't go to all of them but there is one that looks like a possibility and looks like an amazing time. The Austin City Limits Music Festival headlines some of my favorite bands right now and is going on during a weekend that I have no conflicting work agendas so what I'm saying is that I want to go and I want you to come with me. Yes, you. Check the webiste out and see if it works with your schedule and let me know if you're in or out. http://www.aclfestival.com/lineup.aspx .
I've never been to Texas (except for layovers which don't count) and everything I've ever heard of Austin sounds like a good time. I'm willing to road trip it there, fly, camp, hostel, back seat of a car... I'm not above any of that. Ghetto style vacationing is what I'm about and what I'm good at.
September is ample time to get some $$$ saved (these festivals aren't cheap), clear your schedule, listen to tracks from all of the bands and get excited for a weekend of audio ecstasy. I can promise and will guarantee that this will be the best weekend of the year and you will not go home disappointed or without stories to blog about.
Don't be shy about posting your acceptance comment and keep watching for Austin City Limits updates.

Mulligan

2007-04-26T12:52:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure if you've ever golfed, but what I'm holding is called a 'driver'. Since today was my second time ever golfing I'm pretty much a pro now so let me know if you have any golf related questions. To me golf is the mystery sport of the corporate world. Everyone LOVES to golf but no one is really that good at it. Also, a tee time can get you excused from any meeting or corporate crisis. It doesn't matter if your wife delivered a child and you had to miss a few days... That's no excuse. If you tell your boss that you've got a tee time though, you're free to miss as much work as needed and still get paid for it. I'm not here to complain about it, I'm here to take advantage of the mystery and weasel my way into foursomes (golf foursomes) and miss as much time in the office as possible. If I can improve my game and prove myself out on the green, I can start slacking in the office and missing work deadlines while earning hero status at work.
My game was off a little today from trying to rock climb yesterday in AF canyon. 'Trying' being the keyword. I almost made it up to the top... I at least fell trying. It was great being up in the canyon though. I would recommend checking it out if you live in Utah and haven't made it up there yet. I haven't been everywhere in the world, but I consider AF canyon and the Alpine Loop one of the most beautiful places on earth.
Bradley is back... We're throwing him a 1st Bday party at my house (okay... my parent's house) this weekend. They just flew in and I found out that Bradley has already met Paisley. I think they're going to be friends.
Next week is going to be full of exciting activities so get ready for pictures, puns and empty promises. Puns being the first empty promise. I don't really know how to do those.
I would like to thank Chandy (our golf cart driver), Margaret and Sarah for the beautiful day out on the green. Also Price, for letting me use your climbing gear and trusting me to belay you. You're a brave man.

Minding My Own Business on Monday

2007-04-23T12:31:00.000-06:00

Shame on you Old Navy... Shame on you. This is a family store!

The Sh!tter

2007-04-20T14:20:00.000-06:00

Everyone knows that in a building or home with multiple people and multiple bathrooms, one of the commodes is deemed the shitter. This is usually the bathroom furthest away from where people would congegrate so you can do your duty without disturbing the majority of the inhabitants therein. Here at work it's the second floor bathroom because all of marketing is on the third floor and we just don't know or really care who works on floor 2. While this rule is unwritten and mainly unspoken because of its awkwardness, it's pretty easy to figure out. Well, some people apparently struggle with common sense.
Today I walked into the 'safe' third floor bathroom only to be nasally assaulted and forced to gasp in the toxic fumes because someone violated the rules. When this happens I usually remain calm but in the back of my mind I always know what's going to happen next. I'm going to choose a stall and because I've yet to master the law of attraction and harness its powers for good, I without fail, will choose the stall where the deed was done. This is an unpleasant and somewhat traumatic experience that I would like to rid my life, and yours, of.
My objective today is the educate the people who are unaware of 'the shitter' and the importance of using it...everytime. Please. If we all work together we can recreate our bathroom experiences and live better, happier, healthier lives. The first step is locating the shitter. Step two is using it every time. Cosistency is the key.
For all XanGo employees...it's on the second floor. Thank you for your consideration.

The Report

2007-04-18T10:37:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I talked up Wolfmother and how excited I was to see them so today I'm here to give you the details...It ROCKED! I am in love with them even more. The 2 opening bands were also good and fun to watch but nothing compared to Wolfmother. We weren't very close but I know they could feel our connection. I know that secretly they were singing 'Woman' to me.
In the Venue was packed so I was sandwiched between several people the whole night which was an adventure in and of itself. The crowd was pretty ecclectic but one thing was for sure... people were there to rock. So I rocked out with a drunk, ex-raver from Oregon, his buddy (who's name he couldn't remember) from DC, Dainon, Price and momentarily with other passers by. Nothing like the kind of hell you go through at other shows like Warped Tour or most GA situations, so that was nice. I quit going to Warped Tour after I got stuck, for a whole Less than Jake song, between a fat guy wearing a sweat soaked t-shirt and the guy behind me shirtless, still sweaty, dotted with chest acne. That pretty much ruined it for me and has haunted my dreams since.
Gwen Stefani is the next concert I'm going to and will be my 4th time seeing her live (I know it's sick) and I'm really excited about that. Paisley is not excited about it, but she knows how much I love Gwen. I'm going to take it easy at Gwen's show and not rock out too hard 'cause I am struggling today.

Wolfmother

2007-04-17T16:46:00.000-06:00

Woman, you know you woman... She's a woman you know what I mean. Better listen, listen to me...
Tonight is the Wolfmother concert and for some reason I've been overly excited for it. If you haven't heard Wolfmother you are missing out. They are a kind of Led Zeppelin/Black Sabbath/Deep Purple mix of a band and know how to rock it.
I've been pretty busy with Paisley and the duties of motherhood so yes, my blog has suffered. Brooks and I took her to Elmo this weekend where Paisley enjoyed the simple life for a day or two. She got to run free with the ranch animals and eat leftover breakfast scraps of pancakes, bacon, sausage and hash browns. She was ready to go on Saturday I think because of the trouble she got in with Roscoe. Roscoe is Brooks' dog who is 1/7 of Paisley's size and who she would not stop trying to eat. Roscoe is the nicest little cowboy dog with a Mexican accent and does not deserve to be eaten so we had to keep them separated.
Tonight is the first night I'm leaving Paisley alone all day and I really feel guilty about it. Is Wolfmother worth it? They're not if you are judging on the hotness scale, but this is about the rock 'n roll scale and yes... I think they are worth it. I still feel terrible but I'm sure Paisley will understand. I did take her on a 2 mile jog at 6:00 this morning to make up for it. Ungrateful dog.

Paisley

2007-04-11T09:03:00.000-06:00

This is my new dog, Paisley. I picked her up last night in Hyrum, UT (WTF? BFE.) from a family that couldn't keep her any longer because their youngest daughter was allergic to her. Paisley is an American Bulldog, a Leo, 9 months old and pooped in the hall last night. That's Paisley in a nut shell. She was a little nervous having just left her home and meeting me and my parents and sleeping in a new house so I guess her way of relaxing was taking a duke right outside my parents' bedroom door. Right as I was in the inbetween sleep and consciousness stage, I hear my mom calling my name. At first I tried to convince myself that it was part of my dream, but it persisted so I went upstairs to find out what the problem was. Trust me, the problem found me before I found it. It was not pleasant.

After cleaning up and calming Paisley down, we all went to bed. I had to pet her until she fell asleep but she was good the rest of the night. I got up early for some ninja dog training and to assess her skills and she's pretty advanced. She's a good walker and can sit and shake. Not so much a protective dog. When danger is near she hides behind my legs. She ran into the sliding glass door when the neighbor's dog started barking at her. I felt so bad for her! Then she did it again. Luckily her head is enormous so we were more worried for the door.
If anyone wants to meet Paisley or pick up her poop, just let me know. She is super friendly and loves to make friends. Especially the ones who pick up her poop.

To: Alice c/o Stefanie

2007-04-06T13:35:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was Stefanie's work baby shower and by far the best executed shower in the history of babies. Thanks to a skilled team of family and friends, food was consumed, songs were enjoyed and games were played. Correction: 1 game was played. The only game that should be played at baby showers... we all know and secretly love it... 'Name That Candy Bar That's Been Microwaved and Smashed Into the Diaper'. The game didn't stop there though. After Stefanie won, we planted 5 "dirty diapers" in coworkers desk drawers. So far only one has been found but I can't wait for the other 4 to discover the little bundles of joy we left them.

I'm also gifting Stefanie right now with a surprise. We've taken childhood photos of her and husband Nate and with advanced technology incorporating skin tones, bone structure and a complex equation of hormone levels combined with growth rates, have produced a 98.2% accurate sketch of what Alice will look like as a child. Basically she WILL look exactly like this, with maybe a small degree of variance. Not much though. Don't let that 1.8% chance give you hope. She will look very much like this picture. Here's Alice!

Best Buddy

2007-04-05T10:25:00.000-06:00

Every year at XanGo we host a Best Buddies Day and get to hang out with a Buddy and show them around the office, play some games and eat some food. Carolyn A. puts this all together for everyone and it's my favorite work day of the year. Well, it's really only my second year participating but both times have been hilarious and fun. This year my buddy was Carolina and she was really into hip hop dancing. She totally schooled me at Dance Dance Revolution but I schooled her at icecream cone making. Making cones is like riding a bike... after a year and a half working at Dairy Queen, you just can't forget.
Yesterday I got a card from Carolina saying that I was "the best buddy in the world... and I forget your name." Even though my name is forgettable, I think she really meant what she said.

Chris was another one of the buddies who thought I was pretty cool. He ditched Ryan, his XanGo buddy and put a ninja, death-grip lock hold on my arm and started dragging me around the office tour 'cause I was his new girlfriend. He let my arm go when we got outside and it was my turn to bat at wiffle ball. Over the "Go Carrie" cheers I could hear Chris yelling, "Go baby!" I think that was the ticket I needed for the sweet triple I hit.
I just wanted to say 'thank you' to the Best Buddies program, Carolyn and all my new friends!

Bye Bye Bradley

2007-04-03T15:39:00.000-06:00

My sister, Amy, and nephew, Bradley, came to visit for a few days and since I live with my parents we were one big, happy family again. Amy and Bradley left today. I just got back from their going away lunch and managed to walk away with only water and chips spilled on my recently dry cleaned dress. I've bragged a lot about my nephew on my blog, but it's time to trash talk him a little. While spending the last few days with him I've diagnosed my little sweetheart with Baby ADD. This condition may not have a name, but it exists. Bradley has it.
An erupting tooth could have been the reason but I've never seen anything like it. You can not, for half a second, take your eyes of off this boy or something will blow up. He's so curious and strong that he can (and will) get into anything within his reach. I was closer than I would like to admit to zip tying his hands together. I'm going to make a great mother one day.
You can just tell from the smile on his face that he knows what he's doing. He also understands that adults don't hold babies responsible for their actions and you can see this in his eyes. I'm on to you Bradley.

Bradley, Amy and Dave are all coming back to Utah at the end of this month for Bradley's first birthday and I'm going to give him an extra hard birthday spanking. He only gets one so it won't hurt him. I'm so sorry that I've grown up to be a bad person. I try to do nice things and be patient with others but somehow Bradley makes me a kind of tired that can not be described and no amount of self control can help me. I don't get angry. I simply shut down. I sit down and get that look. The mother look. I can see him getting into the china cabinet about to break my great-grandmothers hand painted dinner plates and all I can manage is to say, "Bradley...no". Luckily I had back up to actually pull him away from the disaster... which is another sad part of the story. I wasn't even watching him alone. I had 2-3 people close by at all times and I still couldn't manage. Again, I'm sorry.

Riddle Me This

2007-04-02T16:13:00.000-06:00

'Riddle Me This' was just a catchy phrase to make you read this blog because I have a serious question... What is it that Meatloaf won't do for love? I've read the lyrics and I can't figure it out and it's killing me inside. He claims to do a lot of things for love. He'd run right into hell and back, he would take a vow and seal a pact, he would even do anything you've been dreaming of... but he won't do that... WHAT IS 'THAT'? There are a lot of things I wouldn't do for love but I'm not as romantic as Meatloaf. With a name like Meatloaf there's no avoiding romance. 'Carrie' just doesn't scream passion and ardor the way 'Meatloaf' does. Thanks to 'Sex & the City' it screams it a little more than 'Carrie' used to.
Well this blog is basically a request for someone to solve the mystery of the 21st century and then fill me in. Any ideas are greatly appreciated and no answer is wrong. I'll bake you a loaf of bread for it.

Loyalty & Retention

2007-03-30T15:33:00.000-06:00

What is that you ask? That is my new job title at work. I found out Wednesday that I was the chosen one for this new position in marketing. For the last year and a half I've been in charge of recognition for all XanGo distributors and while I've LOVED this position... I obviously didn't love it enough! HAHA. No really I'm kidding. I loved my job but this one became available and even though I am pretty lazy and only accomplish tasks when forced for survival, I somehow managed to make myself apply and even more miraculously, got the job. Since I am technically an adult now I feel duty-bound to challenge myself a little and try to learn something new. Bottom line... I'm making more money in this position. Dinner is on me!
This week contends to be one of the greatest weeks of my life. Monday: Free trip to Thailand. Tuesday: Free golf bag appears in my cubicle. Wednesday: Free lunch. Thursday: New job. Friday: Free work-out DVD. Also my sister and nephew arrived on Wednesday for a 6 day visit.
So basically if any of you need a little luck...I'll let you rub my belly.

Training Day

2007-03-26T15:55:00.000-06:00

Today I began training for my first triathlon. I pulled myself out of bed at 4:45 a.m. to go to my second spin class ever. This is how I felt... Why people cycle is beyond me, but it's good training for my 7 mile mountain bike ride. So I know it sounds tough that I'm doing a triathlon, but let me put this into perspective. It starts out with an 800 m (1/2 mile) swim (which will take a little conditioning since the last time I swam laps was for my Lifeguard certification in 1997), then a 7 mile bike ride (something anyone should be able to do on any given day) and ends with a 5k run. I'll probably overtrain to make up for my lack of training in last year's Wasatch Back Relay. For some reason I thought 14 miles of running wouldn't be that hard and that 3 miles every few days on a treadmill would get me right into shape. I basically couldn't walk like a normal person for 2 weeks. Really... 2 weeks. What it comes down to is that in real life I'm pretty wussy so naturally all of my activities fall into the same category. This is a sprint triathlon and if I like it enough, I might...MIGHT...try a real one.
Also today, I found out that I'm going to Thailand in May with my job! Twice a year XanGo sends top leaders to the Mangosteen Resort in Phuket and they send 2-5 staff to go along and help. I guess I've paid my dues and was finally invited to attend so if you notice a blog absence from May 5-12, it's because I'm on an elephant or getting a Thai massage...or parasailing...or hiking through the jungle...I just don't know exactly what I'll be doing at the moment you notice that I'm gone so I'm just giving you some ideas. I could be sleeping though. The time change is pretty crazy and all.

Fifth Water

2007-03-24T12:12:00.000-06:00

Last night I finally made it up Spanish Fork canyon to experience the notorious hot pots. Everyone has heard of the pots, but no one has been there so my friend, Price, and I decided to see if the rumors were true.

Rumor #1: The hike in takes between 30 minutes to an hour.
Fact #1: Hiking at a steady to fast pace (mainly because every sound I heard was a crouching tiger hidden dragon ready to pick me out like a gazelle next to the drinking pond) it took us 1 hour and 20 minutes.

Rumor #2: Only go up there if you want to see naked hippies having sex in the hot pots.
Fact #2: Between the hours of 12:30 a.m. and 1:30 a.m. all we encountered were groups of BYU students violating curfew... none of them, however, violated dress and grooming standards. All were properly covered in 1 piece swim apparel.

Rumor #3: Ok, this isn't a rumor but I was not expecting the stench...
Fact #3: The smell is nauseating but give it a good 10 minutes and you get used to it.

Rumor #4: DO NOT get your hair wet or it will smell like sulfur for days!
Fact #4: I got my hair wet in the poisonous sulfur water and immediately after my shower my locks smelled of the lovely coconut shampoo I used.

I just wanted to clear the air of these mysterious hot pots and let everyone know that it is worth the hike and the smell. There are tons of cool places to camp along the trail so I would recommend hiking in during the day so you can see how beautiful it is up there, setting up camp, soaking in the pots, then building a bonfire and having some outdoor fun and hike out in the morning.
After we made it back to my car we noticed some Cat excavators just chillin' along the side of the road and a key to them magically appeared so Price and I moved some rocks around and dug some holes then went home. The 3 hour adventure I was expecting turned into 5 1/2 hours, but well worth it.

Disclaimer:
Although we appear to be inebriated... we are not. I already have a long history of the 'eyes closed' move and the flash on my camera was just too much after staring into darkness for an hour. Price just has crazy eyes.

Multi-Symptom

2007-03-20T16:29:00.000-06:00

I'd like to thank the makers of Tylenol Cold Multi-Symptom for helping me sleep last night. I was coughing all night and finally couldn't stand it anymore at about 4 a.m. so I ran to Harmon's (who I'd also like to thank) and found this wonderful miracle of modern science that helped me get a full one and a half hours of sleep. Although I fully believe that medicine only covers up the problem, I'm quite alright with that if it means a few hours of sleep. I also have a 6 pack from the nonstop abdominal convulsions. Basically I can't think of anything to blog today and I'll be lucky if everything is spelled correctly because I'm high on a combination of caffeine and Tylenol Cold medication to keep me awake and breathing. I hope everyone else is feeling good.

Dream Body

2007-03-19T16:25:00.000-06:00

Today the issue I need to discuss is about the Dream Body. I've been reading, seeing and hearing way too much talk about the 'new' dream body. Cosmo and other fashion magazines are trying to recreate America's ideal of the dream body. It was this:

Now it's supposed to be this:

First of all Hollywood, people don't do well with change and this is a big one. Secondly, no one cares! Ok, that's the problem. People (mainly women) obsess way too much about this. I've had my fair share of self image worries but am ready to denounce the satanic practice of obsessing over my body and am just going to throw it out there. I'm 5'6, 140 lbs and not quite tight. I look like neither Nicole Richie nor Jennifer Hudson. I'm not going to gain 40 lbs for the new dream body or lose 40 lbs for the old one. How about I just worry about the people in the world who are starving (not self-induced), being abused, fighting diseases, suffering natural disasters or other calamities and quit caring if someone who I don't know or like thinks my love handles are too big. There will always be someone out there who thinks you're ugly.
How did something so superficial and ridiculous become a billion dollar industry? It takes up too much time in our lives and wastes too much money and does nothing but make 95% of women feel bad about themselves which they project to their children who feel insecure enough dealing with rebel gnomes and what not you might find in Elementary schools these days. It's a vicious cycle.
For anyone out there who is so worried about what they look like or what others are thinking about them... GET OVER IT! You're the only one who really cares.
Love, Carrie

Expo West

2007-03-16T13:04:00.000-06:00

Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, I did not take any pictures in Anaheim, nor did I accomplish any of the promised activities from my last blog. I did not lay out by a pool. I did not go to the ocean and I did not go to an amusement park. Instead I worked my butt off for 3 days straight inside a building while the beautiful sun shone all about right outside. I did manage a couple jaunts across the street for lunch, but that was all the sun I saw. Dainon, the beautiful glow you see about me is from the Dove gradual tanning lotion. A little stronger than I'd anticipated, but quite effective.
It sounds pretty hellacious, but the Expo was actually very exciting. Every natural products company you can imagine was there representing their product and better yet, giving out samples. I had organic everything! Milk, icecream, pizza, cookies, llerba mate latte, every berry juice known to man, skin care, energy drinks, the list goes on.
Since childhood my family has drank mate and I was pleasantly surprised to find many new, innovative ways to enjoy the drink. One unexpected concoction was mateveza...for those of you who don't habla espanol...el nino means...the nino...mateveza is a combination of mate and cerveza...beer. Here's a picture to prove it. Everyday I am reminded how uncreative I am. Apparently I just don't think out of the box.

Dreamerz milk was one of my favorite samples. Here's a picture of an innocent looking milk carton. What they don't show you is the warning label on the side cautioning you not to drive or operate heavy equipment after drinking this gentle, relaxing beverage. I thought they were full of it so I drank the milk and let the claims take affect while watching a little TV before bed. 8 hours later I awoke finding myself in the exact same position, having not wrinkled the sheets at all. This stuff is for real.

I got home on Monday, took Tuesday off for some R&R and have been back to the grind since. Luckily Utah decided to stop fronting and gave us some beautiful weather so I fired up the motorcycle (thanks Lindsay for letting me keep it in your garage) and have been enjoying the sun as much as possible. I'm not going to lie, I think I'm in love with my bike. I probably look a little ridiculous in the mornings wearing my snowboarding clothes to try and stay warm. I think it's time I invested in proper riding gear.
K, I have some issues to address but this is becoming a little longer than anyone wants to read, so I'm saving it for tomrrow.

Happy 27th Andrea

2007-03-08T17:21:00.000-07:00

Today's blog is a shout out to my good friend, Andrea, who's achieved 27 years of life on this earth and celebrated accordingly last night at Royal India, then with a little Ultimate Bowling. Not only did she turn 27, she bowled 180! The high score for the night. I don't want to steal her thunder, but I'm going to... I also bowled fairly well reaching my all time high of 146. It's no 180, but hell, it's bowling.
Note to self: Never eat Indian food before bowling.
I'm leaving tonight for some work in Anaheim and will hopefully be gracing my blog with some pictures from some California amusement park, or something near a pool or the ocean. Maybe all 3.
On a different note, I know I didn't blog about it, but it was because deep inside I thought that if I posted this information on the information super highway it would somehow be true. For the last few days I've thought my house was haunted so for those of you who I voiced it to (somehow the ghosts in the house wouldn't know I knew they were there if I only talked about it) I'm pleased to say that the house just makes a lot of noises so last night I slept with my door shut and I didn't wake up once, or have a bad dream. Apparently the loud noises (not ghost noises) were waking me up and making me have violent, scary dreams. All is well.

Have times really changed?

2007-03-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

As I was leaving work at 8:20 this morning, I cranked up the radio to my favorite station (oldies) and started belting out the lyrics to this song that I've heard ever since I was 8 and I finally started to pay attention to the words. First of all, I was leaving work right when I got there because I'd left my laptop at home so I was searching for comfort through song but comfort is not what I found. I discovered that our beloved Gary Puckett was really a 'pedafile in disguise'. I wonder if the Union Gap ever noticed his ignoble lyrics or if they were just happily singing along like I've been doing for the past 17 years. I don't think anything written today is any more degenerate than what came out of the 60's. The rhythm was more pleasant back then so you just kind of ignored the message and the fact that all of the songs are about 16 year olds. At least now-a-days they're fornicating with legal adults.
First take a good look at the picture of Gary Puckett. Next read these lyrics. Third...rinse out that little bit of throw up in the back of your throat.

Beneath your perfume and make-up
You're just a baby in disguise
And though you know
That it is wrong to be
Alone with me
That come on look is in your eyes, Oh,
So hurry home to your mama
I'm sure she wonders where you are
Get out of here
Before I have the time
To change my mind
'Cause I'm afraid we'll go too far, Oh,
Young girl

Gary, I'm a little bothered that even after you found out she's a baby, you're still torn. This situation shouldn't tempt you at all Gary. Get it together man! She's too young! Frankly I don't believe that you couldn't tell either. No 16 year old really looks like she's of legal age for you to, uh, 'go too far'. I still like your stupid songs but I can not and will not agree with them.

What's your color?

2007-03-02T13:34:00.000-07:00

I am a self help, personality profiling, astrology, law of attraction freak. I can't explain why I love reading, hearing and talking about this kind of stuff, but it thoroughly intrigues me. Today's lunch was right up my alley thanks to Ashlee and the personality test her entire department has been taking. This is probably the 47th test I've done and I've been every color, number, animal and element that exists. I know myself pretty well. I'm orange.
I read a good quote today about meditation and it said that meditating is nothing more than finding out who you are. I think it's important to look past the superficial, everyday aspects of our lives and try to discover deeper, more important things about ourselves.
Wow. Enough of that. I'm going to use sarcasm now (my favorite self-defense mechanism) and talk about something more exciting like the Struck launch party I went to last night. It was a good party. Food, drink, music, coat racks. The usual. I got an awesome Struck shirt for going and a few of us went to the Tavernacle afterward. The Tavernacle is the best bar is Salt Lake. It's whimsical...which is one of the characteristics an orange responds well to. If you treat me in a whimsical manner, I'll probably do anything you ask me. I can't help it. I'm orange.
So I realize this blog is lame, but I just ate rice and beans at Chili's and I'm all full and tired and I can't be entertaining everyday. I'm not that interesting! Sometimes I just can't handle the stress of this blog. That's when I shift down to blue, my secondary color. If it's really bad I shift down one more to gold. Heaven help us if I go all the way down to green. I'm really not even sure what would happen. I'm going to meditate now and figure it out. I'll let you know next blog.